


every passing second is time wasted™

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adding more tags as we go, Aged Up Characters (Yahaba), Crack, Established Tsukiyama, Fluff, Getting Together, Homophobia Warning, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Harrassment, Mutual Pining, Pining, Setting people up, Skype, So basically Yahaba is a third yr in this fic, Texting, chatfic, coz im professional asf, denial shit, established Kagehina, established daisuga, every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang, graduating, groupchats, idk im making this up as i go, idk what to tag tbh, ok maybe alot of jealousy, some jealousy ;), swearing warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24941326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: dadchi:so who are the people that need help?BokutoesaddedOikawa Tooru,Shirabu Kenjirou, Yahaba ShigeruandYaku Morisuketohelp usBokutoesrenamed the groupchat toevery passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gangOikawa Tooru:wow that actually sums up my life-OR: Daisuga help the poor pining third years get their man before graduation.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 301
Kudos: 749





	1. help us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroh no: let's just give up and die now

**Bokuto Koutarou**

_3:58pm_

**Kuroo:** bro

**Kuroo:** my broiest of bros

**Kuroo:** i need help

**Bokuto:** whats up bro

**Kuroo:** i need help w my love life

**Bokuto:** OHOHOHOH

**Bokuto:** and who's the loverboy huh

**Kuroo:** ummm

**Kuroo:** kenma?

**Bokuto:** omg i kNEW it

**Kuroo:** bro 

**Bokuto:** no offense but ur like

**Bokuto:** so obv

**Kuroo:** am i that bad

**Bokuto:** yep

**Bokuto:** hate to break it to u but i dont think i can help

**Bokuto:** i'm dealing w my own love problems

**Kuroo:** oh

**Kuroo:** shit idk what to do now

**Bokuto:** ik who could help

**Kuroo:** omg who

**Bokuto:** daichi? the captain of karasuno

**Kuroo:** huh yeah why him

**Bokuto:** he's in a relationship right?

**Kuroo:** whAT HE IS??

**Bokuto:** YEAH BRO WITH SUGA RIGHT??

**Kuroo:** OMG I NEVER NOTICED

**Kuroo:** BuT NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT-

**Bokuto:** AHA IKR

**Kuroo:** lets make a gc he has the answers to my questions

**Bokuto:** dontreplaceme

* * *

_**Kuroo Tetsurou** has added **Bokuto** **Koutarou** and **Daichi Sawamura** to **Untitled**_

**_Kuroo_ _Tetsurou_** _changed **Untiled's** name to **help us**_

**_Kuroo_ _Tetsurou_ ** _changed their nickname to **k** **uroh no**_

**kuroh no:** daICHIIIII

_**Bokuto Koutarou** changed their nickname to **Bokutoes**_

**Bokutoes:** daichi the best person in the whole world help us

**kuroh no:** and u told me not to replace u

**kuroh no:** offended

**Bokutoes:** no bb im sorry

**Daichi Sawamura:** wtf

**Daichi Sawamura:** what do you guys need i'm in training rn

**Bokutoes:** DAICHI

**Bokutoes:** MY SAVIOUR

**Daichi Sawamura:** i feel like this gc is going to give me headaches

**Bokutoes:** no bro plz help us

**kuroh no:** we're dealing w some love issues rn

**kuroh no:** we need help from the one and only daichi sawamura who is in a relationship

**Daichi Sawamura:** huh

**Daichi Sawamura:** ya'll i can't talk rn i need to go play

**Daichi Sawamura:** but rn suga is having a break i can ask him to help??

**kuroh no:** omg yes 

**Bokutoes:** hell yeah

**Daichi Sawamura:** alr

**Bokutoes:** thaNK You DAD

**Daichi Sawamura:** wHAT THE HELL 

**Daichi Sawamura:** IS THIS BOKUTO

**Bokutoes:** IS THIS SUGA

**kuroh no:** WAIT DONT FORGET ME

_**Daichi Sawamura** changed their name to **dadchi**_

**dadchi:** aaalright he's gonna kill me but honestly i'm fine with that ;)

**kuroh no:** damnnn suga i didn't know u were like this ;))

**dadchi:** ;)))

**dadchi:** so whatsup

**kuroh no:** i think i have a crush on someone and idk how to tell them

**kuroh no:** i literally wanna avoid them but at the same time i know that won't help me

**kuroh no:** help

**Bokutoes:** same here

**dadchi:** ohhh reallyyy ;)) whos the unfortunate person

**Bokutoes:** uM wow rude ok i didn't expect that from *you* suga >:(

**dadchi:** theres a lot of things u don't know about me ;)

**kuroh no:** oh ;))))

**Bokutoes:** wow suga ur like my new fav

**kuroh no:** uM WOW EXCUSE ME

**Bokutoes:** second to my bff

**kuroh no:** thanks babe

**dadchi:** are you sure yall aint dating

**kuroh no:** i like kenma- 

**dadchi:** oh rlly 

**Bokutoes:** and i like akaashi

**dadchi:** yeah actually ya'll aren't very subtle

**dadchi:** bokuto u basically stare at akaashi all day pretty sure he thinks ur weird

**Bokutoes:** UR SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME???

**dadchi:** well yeah i mean idk what u want me to do?

**dadchi:** how do u want me to help

**kuroh no:** idk how to act around himmm

**dadchi:** just act like u usually do

**dadchi:** give him small hints n stuff but not too big

**kuroh no:** i dont get it

**kuroh no:** wdymmm

**Bokutoes:** bruh 

**Bokutoes:** suga? u there?

**kuroh no:** SUGA

**Bokutoes:** SUGA???

**kuroh no:** KOUSHI SUGA??

**Bokutoes:** KOUSHI SUGAWARA?

**kuroh no:** it says he read our messages

**Bokutoes:** um im offended uh

**dadchi:** omg sorry guys

**Bokutoes:** bruh wtf were u doing??

**kuroh no:** u left us on seen u monster

**dadchi:** uh i was

**dadchi:** uh

**dadchi:** *um*

**Bokutoes:** oyaoya what did u do ;)

**kuroh no:** bet he was staring at daichi's thighs

**dadchi:** nO!!!

**Bokutoes:** he used three exclamation marks

**kuroh no:** thats mega gay

**dadchi:** alr i was staring at his thighs i cant help it :(

**kuroh no:** accurate

**Bokutoes:** so? explain?

**dadchi:** the love thing or me staring at his thighs

**kuroh no:** i dont wanna know what goes thru ur head when u stare at his thighs

**dadchi:** wow ok

**dadchi:** what i mean is

**dadchi:** act like you usually do with kenma, but drop small hints that you like him sometimes

**dadchi:** like for example do nice gestures like make him food n shit

**dadchi:** stuff like that

**kuroh no:** why is this so complicated

**Bokutoes:** bro ikr

**dadchi:** its not hard yall are just incompetent 

**Bokutoes:** OKAY EXCUSE ME 

**kuroh no:** OBJECTION.

**dadchi:** denied, sit back down.

**kuroh no:** fuck

**Bokutoes:** ha you suck

**dadchi:** shut the fuck up bokuhoe

**Bokutoes:** UM WOW OK SUGA I DIDNT KNOW U WERE THE DEVIL ALR

**dadchi:** *there's alot of things u dont know about me*

**kuroh no:** all of a sudden this doesn't seem like a great idea

**dadchi:** oh daichi is back

**dadchi:** cya

**Bokutoes:** thank fucking god

**dadchi:** i hate u too bokuhoe :)

**dadchi:** kuro's the better child

**kuroh no:** thanks mom ;D

**dadchi:** ;D

**Bokutoes:** UM I FEEL EXCLUDED

**kuroh no:** *shut up bokuhoe*

**Bokutoes:** *kuroh shit i cant get a fucking boyfriend*

**kuroh no:** *bokutoe fetish*

**Bokutoes:** I DON'T HAVE A TOES FETISH

**kuroh no:** explain ur name u weirdo

**Bokutoes:** FUCK YOu

**kuroh no:** anytime ;)

_**Bokutoes** changed **kuroh no** 's nickname to **shithead**_

**shithead:** TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME

_**shithead** changed **Bokutoes** 's nickname to **bok-u-suck**_

**bok-u-suck:** rude ok

_**bok-u-suck** changed **shithead** 's nickname to **kuroh he's single**_

**kuroh he's single:** DUDE UR SINGLE TOO

**bok-u-suck:** shut up

**dadchi:** um wtf

**dadchi:** wtf is wrong with you all

**bok-u-suck:** ask kuroh no he's single

**kuroh he's single:**

_**dadchi** changed **bok-u-suck** and **kuroh he's single** 's nicknames to **Bokutoes** and **Kuroh no**_

**dadchi:** please be quiet jesus christ

**Bokutoes:** yes dad

**dadchi:** look all you need to do is act normal in front of Kenma and Akaashi

**dadchi:** don't make up some fake personality that 1) is humiliating and 2) that they might fall in love with

**dadchi:** you don't want them falling in love with someone who isn't you

**Bokutoes:** wow wise words

**Kuroh no:** yeah thanks dad

**dadchi:** don't call me that you weirdos

**Bokutoes:** damn okay 

**Kuroh no:**

**Kuroh no:**....*dad*

**dadchi:** you're grounded

**Kuroh no:** NO DAD PLZ

**Bokutoes:** hahahah

**Bokutoes:** wait is this jus a gc for us or

**Bokutoes:** coz i know some ppl who do be pining and they dont know what to do

**dadchi:** wtf is everyone dying or something

**Kuroh no:** basically

**Kuroh no:** every passing second is one step closer to death

**dadchi:**...thank you for that insight-

**Kuroh no:** you're welcome

**dadchi:** sure ig i could help them

**Bokutoes:** omg what if

**Bokutoes:** by the time we graduate all of them will be with their loved ones

**dadchi:** we're graduating in a few months this seems like a bit of a stretch...

**Kuroh no:** yeah and some of our crushes are 2nd years when we graduate they won't be w us

**Kuroh no:** whats the point we wont even be w them

**Kuroh no:** lets just give up and die now

**Bokutoes:** bro since when were u so negative

**Kuroh no:** kenma probably likes someone else idk

**Kuroh no:** wHo would like me anyway

**dadchi:** kuro don't think that smh

**dadchi:** have some good memories to graduate with

**Bokutoes:** yeah dude

**Kuroh no:** huh you're right

**dadchi:** so who are the people that need help?

_**Bokutoes** added **Oikawa Tooru,** **Shirabu Kenjirou, Yahaba Shigeru** and **Yaku Morisuke** to **help us**_

**_Bokutoes_ ** _renamed the groupchat to **every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang**_

**Oikawa Tooru:** wow that actually sums up my life

**dadchi:** oh no

**Bokutoes:** oh yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> future chapters will be longer than this :D  
> i'm also trying to improve my aRT skIlls so expect some illustrations  
> sorry in advance you might go blind


	2. you are mistaken, semi is a bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Morisuke Yaku:** who tf is semi?
> 
>  **Okill me:** hes a chill and nice dude
> 
>  **Kenjirou Shirabu:** you are mistaken, semi is a bitch

**[every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang]**

_5:15pm_

**Oikawa Tooru:** wow that actually sums up my life

 **dadchi:** oh no

 **Bokutoes:** oh yes

_**Oikawa Tooru** changed their name to **Oikill me**_

**Oikill me:** perfect

 **dadchi:** damn this gc is depressing wtf

 **Oikill me:** you can't complain all of us are going to die alone except for you

 **Bokutoes:** ^

 **Kuroh no:** ^^

 **dadchi:** you aren't going to die alone jesus christ

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** um why am I here?

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** i think its coz we have love issues 

**Yaku Morisuke :** thanks for reminding me

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** ok yeah but why am i here

 **Oikill me:** because you're hopelessly in love with semi

 **Yaku Morisuke:** who tf is semi?

 **Okill me:** hes a chill and nice dude

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** you are mistaken, semi is a bitch

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** i hate him so much

_**Oikill me** changed **Shirabu** **Kenjirou** 's nickname to s **altybu**_

**Yaku Morisuke:** wow ive known Shirabu-kun for 5 seconds and thats alr so accurate

 **Kuroh no:** yakuuuu

 **Yaku Morisuke:** oh fuck no

 **Kuroh no:** oh fuck yes

 **saltybu:** oikawa i hope you realise that you s u c k

 **Oikill me:** yes ive realised lmao

 **Bokutoes:** dadchi is our mentor and saviour

 **dadchi:** no im not please stop 

**dadchi:** im just not a coward

 **saltybu:** yeah u guys suck just ask them out alr god

 **Yaku Morisuke:** OK YOU HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK 

**_Yahaba Shigeru_ ** _changed **Moriske Yaku** 's name to y **akuwu**_

**yakuwu:** no

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** yes

_**yakuwu** changed **Shigeru Yahaba** 's name to **yahaha no**_

**yahaha no:** wtf

 **saltybu:** wtf do u mean oK yOu hAve nO rooM tO tAlk

 **Oikill me:** bruh

 **Oikill me:** semishira anyone?

 **yahaha no:** yes

 **yakuwu:** y e s

 **yakuwu:** even tho idk what he looks like i 100% ship

 **Oikill me:** semi is hot like me

 **saltybu:** ok wow

 **dadchi:** we've seen the way you look at Semi during Miyagi Prefectural Qualifiers

 **Kuroh no:** HAHA DAICHI CALLING YOU OUT

 **saltybu:** i feel aTTACKED.

 **dadchi:** you were staring at him and then he put his middle finger up

 **Oikill me:** HAHAHA

 **saltybu:** HOW DO U KNOW ABOUT THIS

 **daichi:** suga took pictures

 **Bokutoes:** omg show us

 **yakuwu:** hell yeah blackmail material 

**yahaha no:** yes

 **saltybu:** daichi istg plz don't

 **Bokutoes:** daichi yes

 **Kuroh no:** daichi yes

 **dadchi:**...daichi yes

 **Oikill me:** thiS Situation makes me see daichi and karasuno in a whole new light

**dadchi:**

**yakuwu:** omg thats semi??

 **yahaha no:** wait that uniform is shiratorizawa

 **saltybu:** yeah we're from shiratori

 **saltybu:** and the only people i know here are daichi and oikawa so-

 **saltybu:** what schools are you from

 **dadchi:** ok lets introduce ourselves

 **dadchi:** i'm daichi, captain of karasuno

 **Bokutoes:** bokuto, captain and ace of fukurodani

 **Kuroh no:** kuroo, captain of nekoma

 **yakuwu:** i'm yaku, libero of nekoma

 **yahaha no:** yahaba, setter/pinch server of aoba johsai

 **Oikill me:** oikawa, captain of aoba johsai

 **saltybu:** shirabu, setter for shiratorizawa

 **yakuwu:** wow powerhouse school huh

 **saltybu:** yep

 **dadchi:** but we beat you

 **Oikill me:** shut up daichi

 **Bokutoes:** looks like the captains are having a hard time lol

 **dadchi:** yep seems like it

 **Kuroh no:** speaking of captains

 **Kuroh no:** how is karasuno so close like

 **Kuroh no:** my teammates barely respect me

 **yakuwu:** thats because you suck

 **Kuroh no:** exhibit A

 **Oikill me:** same how do you make them respect u i wanna know

 **Bokutoes:** same

 **dadchi:** uh

 **dadchi:** well the captain cant do all the work the teammates need to be respectful

 **Oikill me:** yeah *cough* yahaba *cough*

 **yahaha no:** go to hospital jesus christ

 **saltybu:** well everyone in shiratori respects ushijima but thats coz hes an inspiration

 **Oikill me:** he's not he fucking sucks

 **Kuroh no:** thats not what u said when u said that he's a good friend

 **yakuwu:** HE DID?? WHEN??

 **dadchi:** captains chat

**Bokutoes:**

> **Oikawhore:** wanna say thanks for being great friends, especially you ushi
> 
> **Oikawhore:** idk what i'd do without you

**saltybu:** aWWWW

 **Oikill me:** NO N O N O

 **yahaha no:** lmaoo oikawa is ushi ur crush or-

 **Oikill me:** NO DEFINITELY NOT EW

 **Bokutoes:** who is it then ;)

 **Oikill me:** shut up you alr know so

 **saltybu:** yeah but i dont

 **Kuroh no:** idk either ;)

 **yakuwu:** who is it actually-

 **Oikill me:** uh

 **dadchi:** you can tell them when you're ready but if you can't tell them we can't all help you

 **dadchi:** speaking of which we should get semishira together

 **saltybu:** i _dont_ have a crush on that bitch

 **yakuwu:** then who do you have a crush on

 **saltybu:** no one

 **dadchi:** cmon guys the goal is to get everyone with their crush before we graduate

 **dadchi:** at this pace everyone is going to be depressed

 **Oikill me:** not like we're depressed already or anything

 **Kuroh no:** ^

 **dadchi:** lets start with semishira coz it seems like everyone knows shirabu has a crush on him

 **dadchi:** in this gc

 **yakuwu:** hell yeah

 **saltybu:** i alr said i dont have a crush on him

 **dadchi:** lemme ask my team what they think

 **saltybu:** what why-

 **yakuwu:** coz everyone can tell u like him

 **yakuwu:** ive never even seen u and i can tell u love himmm

 **Oikill me:** owowowowo

 **Kuroh no:** jesus christ no

 **Bokutoes:** uwuwuuwuwuwuwuwu

 **Kuroh no:** fuck

 **yahaha no:** qwqwwqwqwqwqwqwq

**dadchi:**

> **Karasue us™**
> 
> **dad™** : hey does anyone think shirabu has a crush on semi
> 
> **mom** **™:** yep
> 
> **boke:** who?
> 
> **the king:** we versed them, they're from shiratorizawa
> 
> **boke:** yeah but who
> 
> **the king:** shirabu is the one with brown hair and was setting
> 
> **the king:** semi is the one with blonde hair dyed at the tips
> 
> **boke:** AH YEah i could tell the setter kept looking at semi but i thought it was for advice
> 
> **rolling noya:** ;)))
> 
> **rolling noya:** i ship
> 
> **mom™:** bruh its so obv they like eachother
> 
> **tanakick me:** yeAH I WAS SCREAMINGGG
> 
> **mom™:** tanaka stop screaming or you're grounded

**saltybu:**

**saltybu:** karasuno sucks

 **dadchi:** karasuno hates you too

 **yakuwu:** karasue us™ omg what a nice gc name

 **yakuwu:** **@Kuroh no** name our gc smth nice

 **Kuroh no:** you barely speak in that gc coz ur head over heels for lev

 **yakuwu:** HOW COULD YOU OUT ME LIKE THIS

 **yahaha no:** lev huh ;))

 **yahaha no:** isnt he that rlly tall dude 

**Kuroh no:** yeah but he doesn't know what to do half the time

 **Bokutoes:** i feel so lonely im the only one in fukurodani

 **saltybu:** its ok im the only one in shiratori

 **Bokutoes:** :')

 **saltybu:** >:')

 **dadchi:** ok

 **dadchi:** lets make it that at the end of this month you would've at least confessed

 **Oikill me:** idk why you're worried semi is rlly nice

 **saltybu:** no hes FUCKING not

 **Oikill me:** have u considered that he's mean to u coz ur mean to him

**saltybu:**

**saltybu:** shut up

 **Oikill me:** if u want i can ask him if he likes someone

**saltybu:**

**yahaha no:** whats this? oikawa being nice?

 **Oikill me:** i-

 **Oikill me:** r u d e

**Oikill me:**

****

**saltybu:** i-

 **saltybu:** it's probably not me-

 **saltybu:** omg im gonna be lonely forever

 **dadchi:** god stop being so negative

 **saltybu:** dude think about it theres literally no way he likes me

 **saltybu:** im so rude to him wtf

 **Bokutoes:** we'll get there eventually

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dw shirabu ;)  
> sorry the art kiNDa sucks uh


	3. headache ™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daichi is sick of everyone's shit and bokuto decides to create a headache

**[every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang]**

_7:30am_

**saltybu:** GUYS GUYSGUYSGUYS

 **Oikill me:** what the fuck do u want

 **saltybu:** I jUST ALMOST CONFESSED

 **dadchi:** what thats good

 **saltybu:** nO ITS FUCKING NOT

 **Kuroh no:** Why are you talking so early in the morning im tRYING to sleep

 **Bokutoes:** dude its 7:30 get your ass up

 **Kuroh no:** id rather not

 **saltybu:** semi can nEVER know i like him

 **saltybu:** ever

 **yakuwu:** ok but dude

 **yakuwu:** think of this

**yahaha no:**

**Kuroh no:**

**Bokutoes:**

**Oikill me:**

**yakuwu:** semi likes you back

 **saltybu:** FUCKING BULL SHIT

 **yakuwu:** WHAT PART OF IT WAS BULLSHIT

 **saltybu:** THE WHOLE THING

 **saltybu:** THERE IS _NO_ FUCKING WAY HE LIKES ME BACK

 **dadchi:** holy fucking shit you're hopeless

 **Kuroh no:** ^

 **Bokutoes:** dude

 **Bokutoes:** i have an _amazing_ idea

 **Kuroh no:** when has any of your ideas been amazing

 **Bokutoes:** brO

 **Bokutoes:** out of everyone i thought YOU'D have my back

 **Kuroh no:** well

 **Bokutoes:** b e t r a y a l

 **yahaha no:** just tell us what the idea is

 **Bokutoes:** group chat. our crushes. us. together.

 **yakuwu:** no

 **yahaha no:** haha no

 **Kuroh no:** no comment

 **dadchi:** cannot believe i'm saying this but

 **dadchi:** that's not a bad idea

 **Kuroh no:** IS IT POSSIBLE TO STOP BEING YOUR SON

 **dadchi:** since when were you my son?

 **Kuroh no:** d a d

 **dadchi:** look it's a good opportunity to get to know your crushes and see what tactic works best

 **yakuwu:** you make this sound like we're infiltrating a building or some shit

 **Oikill me:** oop

 **Kuroh no:** oiks has only said 2 things in this chat are u ok

 **Oikill me:** I'm great thanks for asking.

 **Bokutoes:** *gasp* proper punctuation

 **yahaha no:** who are u and what have you done to my annoying captain

 **yakuwu:** _my_ annoying captain huh ;)

 **yahaha no:** no

 **dadchi:** okay i created the group chat

 **yakuwu:** god no

* * *

_**Daichi Sawamura** has added **Sugawara Koushi,** **Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, Semi Eita** and 9 others into **Untitled**_

**_Daichi Sawamura_ ** _changed their name to **dadchi**_

 **_dadchi_ ** _named the group chat **headache**_ _**™** _

**Iwaizumi Hajime:** what the fuck is this

_**dadchi** has recovered **6** nicknames from another group chat_

**yakuwu:** what a strong start to the day

 **yahaha no:** i swear im gonna die during class due to my headache™

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** who's this?

 **yahaha no:** WOW RUDE OK

 **yahaha no:** iTS me yahaba 

**yakuwu:** its yaku

 **Oikill me:** coUghs

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** ok so that's oikawa

 **Kuroh no:** wow im impressed that he knows its oiks via his nickname

 **Oikill me:** formal much

 **Kuroh no:** wHAT PART OF THAT WAS FOrMAL

 **Oikill me:** you're formal

 **Kuroh no:** dude are u ok

 **Oikill me:** _when am i ever ok is the question_

 **Kuroh no:** hello 911?

 **Kuroh no:** yes we need some psychological assistance

 **yakuwu:** bitch we're in japan

_**Oikill me** changed **Iwaizumi Hajime** 's name to **iwa-fan**_

**iwa-fan:** i-

 **Kenma Kozume:** oh no

 **Akaashi Keiji:** god

 **Bokutoes:** hEYHEYHEY

 **Sugawara Koushi:** HELLO SON

 **Bokutoes:** MOM

 **Kuroh no:** DAICHI DISOWNED ME

 **dadchi:** I DID NOT DISOWN YOU YOU DISOWNED YOURSELF

 **Kuroh no:** NO I FUCKING DIDN'T

 **Kuroh no:** FUCK YOU DAD

 **dadchi:** YOU'RE GROUNDED

 **Kuroh no:** DAD NO IM SORRY

 **Bokutoes:** HAHA SUCK DICK

 **Kuroh no:** FUCK YOU

 **Sugawara Koushi:** _daichi, we need to talk_

 **Bokutoes:** shit mom and dad gonna get a divorce

 **Kuroh no:** im going w mom

_**Kuroh no** changed **Sugawara Koushi** 's name to **Sugamama**_

_**Kuroh no** changed **Kozume Kenma** 's name to **Kozoom**_

**Kozoom:** god no

 **_Bokutoes_ ** _changed **Akaashi Keiji** 's name to **Akeishit**_

 **Akeishit:** im not even going to object at this point

 **Semi Eita:** um what the fuck

 **saltybu:** where the fuck are u

 **Semi Eita:** in my dorm...??

 **Kuroh no:** OMG

 **Bokutoes:** ARE U GONNA DO IT

 **saltybu:** NO SHUT UP I ALR TOLD U IM NOT 

**saltybu:** NEVER

 **Semi Eita:** um...

 **_saltybu_ ** _changed **Semi Eita** 's name to **Semight just die**_

 **Semight just die:** alright then

 **Semight just die:** **@saltybu** what do you need

 **saltybu:** i need you to die

 **Semight just die:** bitch

 **Akeishit:** this is giving me a fucking headache.

 **Kozoom:** have you read the title of the gc

 **Akeishit:** ah

 **Sugamama:** shut up you have class soon

 **Semight just die:** akasdljs

 **Lev Haiba:** HELLO

 **Kuroh no:** LEV GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND GO TO CLASS RIGHT NOW

 **Lev Haiba:** OK IMSORRY

 **yakuwu:** wow

_**yakuwu** changed **Lev Haiba** 's name to **Reifu**_

**Kyoutani Kentarou:**

**_Kyoutani Kentarou_ ** _left **headache™**_

 **yahaha no:** nO babe come back

_a message was deleted from the group chat_

_**yahaha no** added **Kyoutani Kentarou** to **headache™**_

**_yahaha no_ ** _changed **Kyoutani Kentarou** 's name to **Mad dog**_

 **Mad dog:** i hate everyone here

**iwa-fan:**

**Mad dog:** i hate everyone here except for iwaizumi-san

 **Oikill me:** wow ok

 **Sugamama:** guys class starts soon get off your fucking phones before i snipe you

 **yakuwu:** i never wanna see scary suga ever again

 **Sugamama:** THEN GET OFF YOUR PHONE.

 **yakuwu:** YES SIR

* * *

_3:18pm_

**Oikill me:** omg school is over

 **yakuwu:** weekends hello i love you

 **yahaha no:** yknow you love someone else

 **yakuwu:** nO SHUT UP.

 **Kuroh no:** ;)))

 **dadchi:** ;)

 **dadchi:** shirabu, what do you have to say to that

 **saltybu:** i do not have a fucking crush

 **dadchi:** oh really

**dadchi:**

> **saltybu:** GUYS GUYSGUYSGUYS
> 
> **Oikill me:** what the fuck do u want
> 
> **saltybu:** I jUST ALMOST CONFESSED

**saltybu:** WOW THANKS

 **Kuroh no:** CMON DUDE ITS NOT HARD

 **saltybu:** I DONT SEE U ASKING OUT UR CRUSH HUH

 **Kuroh no:** NO SEE MY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT

 **saltybu:** HOW IS IT DIFFERENT IN ANYWAY

 **Semight just die:** woww shirabitch is actually capable of feelings things

 **Kozoom:** kuro u have a crush??

 **Kuroh no:** um

 **Kuroh no:** yeah

 **Semight just die:** whoever your crush is is unfortunate shirabu

 **saltybu:** fuck you

 **Semight just die:** thank you for providing an example

 **Sugamama:** hey since its the weekend tmr do you wanna meet up or smth

 **Oikill me:** i have volleyball

 **iwa-fan:** no you don't have fun for once jesus christ

 **Oikill me:** I do have fun!!

**Oikill me:**

**Kuroh no:** you do have fun huh ;))

 **Oikill me:** BITCH I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT

 **Bokutoes:** huh who u doing it with oiks ;)

 **Oikill me:** nO ONE-

 **iwa-fan:** ...

 **Oikill me:** whatever 

**Sugamama:** so is that a yes or a no-

 **dadchi:** they have no choice

 **Bokutoes:** ha im in

 **Akeishit:** Yeah I guess I'm in as well

 **Kozoom:** sure...

 **Sugamama:** ok if u wanna hang out tmr say 'f'

 **Oikill me:** f

 **Kuroh no:** f

 **Bokutoes:** f

 **Akeishit:** f

 **Semight just die:** ig f

 **saltybu:** fine, f

**Mad dog:**

**Mad dog:** f

 **yahaha no:** f

 **yakuwu:** f

 **Reifu:** f

 **dadchi:** f

 **iwa-fan:** f

 **Kozoom:** f

 **Kozoom:** f in chat for my headache starting tomorrow

 **Akeishit:** As if it hasn't started already

 **Kozoom:** fair point


	4. shirabu and his denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dadchi**
> 
> OH MY GOD
> 
> YOU'RE ALL A MESS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm experimenting with different formats to make it easier to read so-  
> also adding UshiTen into the chaos :D
> 
> (some shameless self promo,,,i have an art acc (instagram) @moonr.xse  
> currently working on mafia!kuro and royalty!oikawa ;) )
> 
> edit:  
> hey so i finished mafia!kuro,,,it's up on my instagram [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/CCI7j6BH5K0/)

_**headache** _ _**™** _

_10:20am_

**Sugamama**

Alright so is everyone ready?

We're meeting up at 11 at the park

**Oikill me**

we know mom

**saltybu**

semi hurry the fuck up im waiting for u

**Semight just die**

wow youre waiting for me what an achievement

satori is sleeping on the floor what the fuck is wrong with him

whatafuckingloser.jpeg

**saltybu**

why didnt you tell me satori was your roommate?

**Semight just die**

why do you care

**saltybu**

i don't i just feel bad for you

**Semight just die**

satori's a good dude

is what i tell myself

**Oikill me**

shirabu stop sleeping on the crush and just confess

**Semight just die**

what

**saltybu**

yeah what?

**Oikill me**

you're hopeless

**saltybu**

are you talking to yourself

**Oikill me**

WOW OK RUDE  
  


**iwa-fan**

im at the park

with oikawa

**Sugamama**

Where are you

I'm next to the big tree with dadchi

I mean daichi

**dadchi**

I hate you

**Sugamama**

No you don't

**dadchi**

True

**Kuroh no**

hey siri, how do you wake up a cat THAT WON'T FUCKING GET UP

KENMA

**Bokutoes**

cats amirite

**Kuroh no**

idiots amirite

**Bokutoes**

bby you don't mean that

**Kuroh no**

ofc i dont bb i love you

**Bokutoes**

ily honey

**Kuroh no**

ily more

**Bokutoes**

idiot

**Kuroh no**

bitch

**Bokutoes**

BASTARD

**Kuroh no**

OWL FUCKER

**Akeishit**

this relationship makes me lose braincells

**Kozoom**

^

**iwa-fan**

ive never related to akaashi and kenma as much as this before

**Oikill me**

if ~~dadchi~~ daichi is your dad and suga is your mom, that makes bokuto your brother

meaning this relationship is incest

**Kuroh no**

**Bokutoes**

**Kuroh no**

don't listen to them babe

**Bokutoes**

ill try not to babe

**Oikill me**

jfc

**Sugamama**

Lmao ya'll have separate crushes but here you are

Just ask eachother out god

**Kozoom**

kuroo youve never told me about this crush

who is it

**Kuroh no**

WOW WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME IT'S 10:30 IMA GO NOW BYE

**Kozoom**

...

bokuto ur his best friend do you know

**Bokutoes**

HAHA YEP IM GOING TOO BYE 

NOTHING

HE HAS NO SUCH CRUSH

**Kuroh no**

SHUT THE FUCK UP BABE :)

**Bokutoes**

FUCK YOU :)

**Kuroh no**

name the time and place

**Bokutoes**

ohohohoho ;)

**Kuroh no**

;)

**Kozoom**

im so confused are they dating or not

**Sugamama**

They aren't dating

I think-

Honestly I have no idea anymore

**dadchi**

Jesus christ Bokuto, Kuro

_This is not how you cope with a crush_

**Kuroh no**

unrequited love*

**Bokutoes**

*sniff*

**saltybu**

and i thought i had it bad

**Semight just die**

so you _do_ have a crush

**saltybu**

nO I DON'T SHUT UP 

D I E

**Semight just die**

cute

**saltybu**

what-

**yakuwu**

sup biTCHES

oh god

BYE BITCHES

**yahaha no**

same

**Reifu**

No yaku-san come back :(

**yakuwu**

fuck

**yahaha no**

lev

**yakuwu**

n o

**Reifu**

what-

**Sugamama**

iTS NOTHING LEV JUST IGNORE WHAT THEY SAID

**Reifu**

Okay--

**Mad dog**

i just want to delete myself

_**every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

_10:35am_

**dadchi**

OH MY GOD

YOU'RE ALL A MESS

**@yakuwu**

Just confess to Lev already I'm losing my mind

 **@saltybu** Stop telling semi to kill himself goddamn.

**@Kuroh no**

**@Bokutoes**

Stop acting like you're dating in front of your crushes it's helping no one

**saltybu**

and its fucking weird

**Kuroh no**

at least im not in denial

*coughs*

**saltybu**

coronavirus

get tested

stay home

oh hey this is a good idea not to go to the park and spend my whole day with semi

**Bokutoes**

because you love him~~

**saltybu**

because i hate him

**dadchi**

You don't hate him Shirabu

Why can't you just accept that you like him

**saltybu**

because i don't

and thats final

**dadchi**

What did he even do to you

**saltybu**

hes annoying

and he bosses me around just because hes my senpai

telling me what he thinks about my setting

what does *he* know

**dadchi**

**Bokutoes**

**Kuroh no**

god you literally have no idea

**dadchi**

Lmao, you do know that Semi bosses you around because he wants you to be a good setter

And even though you overtook his position as the official setter, he's been around longer than you

He knows what types of sets Ushijima likes, and the ones you're setting to him isn't what he prefers

But of course, Ushijima doesn't complain because he's still able to spike it

He just wants the best for you

If he can't do the setting he wants to at least give some knowledge

**Kuroh no**

aww thats so sweet

**saltybu**

and how would you know all this

**dadchi**

I talk to semi alot

**saltybu**

what- why- how-

**dadchi**

After we won a spot at nationals, Suga approached Semi and they started talking

And then Suga introduced me to Semi

And then Ushijima joined

And we added Oikawa as well

**saltybu**

oikawA???

**dadchi**

Yeah he hated being in the same group chat as Ushiwaka at first, but now they're good friends

**Kuroh no**

bokuto and i are also in the gc!!!

**dadchi**

Yep

Just the captains and two setters excluding Oikawa

These group chat names get worse and worse

**yakuwu**

true

**dadchi**

My point is,,,I'm 99.9% sure Semi likes you back

Just confess to him, get it over and done with

**saltybu**

i'll think about it,,i guess

**dadchi**

Just try

**Kuroh no**

we believe in u!!!

**saltybu**

shut up drowned cat with the weird haircut

**Kuroh no**

you're not the one to talk

_**headache** _ _**™** _

**_Oikill me_ ** _added **Ushijima Wakatoshi** and **Tendou Satori**_

**iwa-fan**

what-

**Ushijima Wakatoshi**

Thank you Tooru

**Oikill me**

shut up toshi-chan :)

**Tendou Satori**

WOW NOT EVEN A GREETING FOR ME

**Oikill me**

fuck you sat-on-me

**Tendou Satori**

WOW OK

_**Oikill me** _ _changed **Tendou Satori** 's name to **sat-on-me**_

_**Oikill me** changed **Ushijima Wakatoshi** 's nickname to **Ushiwhack me**_

**Ushiwack me**

Explain my nickname??

**Oikill me**

with those biceps honestly i wouldnt mind if you whacked me

**Kuroh no**

I agree

**Bokutoes**

^

**Ushiwack me**

Wow, I feel honoured

**Oikill me**

you should you fucking weirdo

**Ushiwack me**

Elaborate as to why _I'm_ the weirdo and not _you_ , Tooru?

**Oikill me**

i hate you

**sat-on-me**

no you don't

**Oikill me**

wow dont expose me

**Semight just die**

ayyyy hey toshi

**Ushiwack me**

Hello Eita

:D

**Semight just die**

HE USED AN EMOJI

OIKAWA PAY UP

**Oikill me**

gODDAMn

**dadchi**

Lmao you guys bet on whether he uses emojis or not??

**Semight just die**

we bet on everything

**iwa-fan**

i didn't know this many people tolerated oikawa

**Ushiwack me**

Actually, Tooru isn't as bad as everyone says he is

Everyone would've praised him 

If he went to Shiratorizawa

**sat-on-me**

if he went to Shiratorizawa 

**Kuroh no**

if he went to shiratorizawa 

**Bokutoes**

omg wow ya'll sent that all at the same time

im impressed

**Oikill me**

yall know why i didnt so shut up

**iwa-fan**

why didnt u

i mean you couldve gotten in

**Oikill me**

noneofyourbusiness

oh hey eita-chan is that you

**Semight just die**

YOOOO

IM COMING BITCH

GIVE ME MY MONEY

**Oikill me**

SHIT YOU RUN FAST

BYE

**dadchi**

Young love

Oh wait what I don't ship them-

**Sugamama**

Bad

**dadchi**

;)

**Bokutoes**

DAD! MOM! NOT HERE PLZ

I HAVE INNOCENCE

**dadchi**

Cut the crap you're dirty minded as hell

**Kuroh no**

^

**Bokutoes**

wow exposing me once again

I trusted you

**Kuroh no**

life is unpredictable ;)

**saltybu**

semi just ran off yelling im not even bothered to read up

**yakuwu**

i have arrived with yahaba

**yahaha no**

i see yall

under the tree with the crow's nest on it?

**dadchi**

yep

**Reifu**

im here with kenma!!

**Bokutoes**

same im here with akaashIIII

**Akeishit**

Sadly

**Bokutoes**

Akaasheiii :((

**Mad dog**

fuck you all im not going

**yahaha no**

:(

please

**Mad dog**

...

fine ill go im leaving rn

**Sugamama**

Young love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a note that i'm a mono shipper and only ship one character with one character exclusively  
> but i do have a headcanon where Oikawa is actually good friends with ushiwaka and semi and captain squad
> 
> next: chaos at a park,,and some semishira
> 
> a reminder of names:
> 
> Oikill me | Oikawa  
> iwa-fan | Iwaizumi  
> dadchi | Daichi  
> Sugamama | Suga  
> yakuwu | Yaku  
> yahaha no | Yahaba  
> Akeishit | Akaashi  
> Kozoom | Kenma  
> Kuroh no | Kuroh  
> Bokutoes | Bokuto  
> saltybu | Shirabu  
> Semight just die | Semi  
> Reifu | Lev  
> Mad dog | Kyoutani
> 
> New!  
> Ushiwhack me | Ushijima  
> sat-on-me | Tendou


	5. welcome to being dense as hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Semi's Face**
> 
> he hates me
> 
> **Ushiwaka's Di-**
> 
> I can't believe I'm about to say this
> 
> But you suck
> 
> **Kuroo's Abs**
> 
> shirabu's dic-
> 
> **Daichi's Thighs**
> 
> NO ONE ASKED YOU

_**headache** _ _**™** _

_11:30_

**dadchi**

It's barely been 30 minutes and we can't find Shirabu

**Sugamama**

Goddammit Shirabu **@saltybu**

Where are you

**Ushiwack me**

If you want, I can go and search for him with Oikawa?

**iwa-fan**

why oikawa

**Ushiwack me**

I thought you disliked Oikawa

**Oikill me**

（iДi）

**iwa-fan**

i thought _you_ disliked Oikawa

**Ushiwack me**

I do not despise Tooru, I do wish he would have attended Shiratorizawa instead of Seijoh, but however he does have his reasons

**Oikill me**

thank you toshi-chan~ (´・ω・｀)

**iwa-fan**

no comment

**Semight just die**

ill just spam his dms

**sat-on-me**

semisemi you wouldn't dare

**Semight just die**

i do dare lmao

**sat-on-me**

toshi lets plan his funeral!

**Ushiwack me**

I don't think he will pass away from texting Shirabu, Satori

**sat-on-me**

so ill just plan his funeral alone then

**yahaha no**

uh

where did you guys go-

**yakuwu**

youre a fucking idiot

we stopped coz we cant find shirabu

**yahaha no**

uhh

**Mad dog**

we're lost

i shouldnt have followed yahabitch

**yahaha no**

eXCUSE ME???

**dadchi**

How did you not realise we weren't there anymore?

**Kuroh no**

they were too invested in their own worldddd 

**Bokutoes**

bro

**Kuroh no**

bro

**Bokutoes**

A WHOLE NEW WORLD

**Kuroh no**

A NEW FANTASTIC POINT OF VIEW

**Bokutoes**

nO ONE TO TELL US NO

**dadchi**

No

And you're grounded

**Sugamama**

HAHA GET R E K T 

**Bokutoes**

dad,,,

i hate you

**dadchi**

same here son

**Bokutoes**

d a d

**Kuroh no**

its ok you can be disowned with me

**dadchi**

It's alright, I have 02880230 other children, losing 2 won't be bad

**Sugamama**

Oh god

* * *

_ **Shirabu Kenjirou** _

**Semi**

yo

dude

hello

yes

dude

hello

bro

shirabitch

shirabu

kenjirou

kenji

**Shirabu**

what the fuck do you want

and don't call me kenji

**Semi**

where did you go, _kenji_

**Shirabu**

fuck you

i went to clear my head a bit

**Semi**

are you kidding me

**Shirabu**

im fine,, just tell me where you are

**Semi**

no,,tell me where _you_ are

i have a feeling you're not ok

**Shirabu**

what the fuck do you mean

**Semi**

are you hurt or smth

**Shirabu**

no

**Semi**

you're hurt aren't you

**Shirabu**

ok but its not bad

i just kind of

fell down a ditch??

**Semi**

wtf how did you manage to do that

WE'RE IN A PARK

**Shirabu**

FUCK YOU

**Semi**

WHY IS THAT YOUR RESPONSE TO EVERYTHING

**Shirabu**

JUST BECAUSE

**Semi**

THATS NOT A VALID ANSWER

**Shirabu**

BECAUSE

ITS MY WAY OF

fuck

**Semi**

what??

what were you gonna say

**Shirabu**

ok um

look

i have this crush

**Semi**

oH SO YOU D O HAVE A CRUSH

what an unfortunate soul

**Shirabu**

ok but i dont know how to ask him out and confess n shit

**Semi**

woah its a boy

just ask him out

**Shirabu**

its not that easy

i don't think he likes me back

**Semi**

ofc he likes you back

ur a brat but ur loveable

**Shirabu**

what happened to my crush being an unfortunate soul

**Semi**

~~un~~ fortunate soul

happy now

**Shirabu**

hey

do you have a crush

**Semi**

uh

yeah

i guess

**Shirabu**

unfortunate soul

**Semi**

rude

**Shirabu**

uh

well

if you go back to where we met up and take a right instead of left, i should be there

just sitting in a ditch with a sprained ankle

**Semi**

YOU SPRAINED YOUR ANKLE??

JESUS CHRIST

**Shirabu**

ugh

* * *

_**every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

**saltybu**

semi has a crush

**dadchi**

WHAT THE FUCK WHERE ARE YOU

**yakuwu**

DUDE HAVE YOU NOT SEEN OUR MESSAGES FROM HEADACHE™

**saltybu**

i muted it lol

**yahaha no**

smart

blocking people out of your life

**saltybu**

well uh dont worry semi went to get me

**dadchi**

Oh

Explains why he isn't with us anymore

Anyway

Semi went to get you huh ;)

And Semi has a crush

Are the stars lining up?

**yakuwu**

what stars

**dadchi**

Wow okay

I thought you'd support them

**saltybu**

pretty sure semi is straight

never seen him look at a guy like he loves them

**dadchi**

_You have no idea_

**saltybu**

wha

semi is here bye

* * *

**_what have we created_ **

**Daichi's Thighs**

I'm losing my mind

**Oikawa's Nothing**

wha are you ok

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

Tooru being aware of the feelings of his peers?

A rare sight

**Oikawa's Nothing**

wow rUDE

toshi-chan :(((

**Daichi's Thighs**

Semi likes Shirabu right

**Kuroo's Abs**

mhm

**Bokuto's Biceps**

yep

**Daichi's Thighs**

and we know

**Kuroo's Abs**

YEP

**Bokuto's Biceps**

mhm

but lets let them do their thing yknow

**Daichi's Thighs**

Yeah but the fact that i cAN'T TELL THEM hurts me

**Suga's Personality**

They're dense as fuck

**Semi's Face**

yo im coming back with kenji rn

he sprained his ankle

**Suga's Personality**

Don't read up :)

Also Kenji huh ;)

Kenjirou = Kenji

**Daichi's Thighs**

Aww that's cute

First name basis already huh

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

I approve

**Semi's Face**

he hates me

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

I can't believe I'm about to say this

But you suck

**Kuroo's Abs**

shirabu's dic-

**Daichi's Thighs**

NO ONE ASKED YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what have we created is that captains chat + two setters excluding oikawa chat that they mentioned before :)


	6. semishira got their shit together,,,accidentally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Oikawa's Nothing**
> 
> if he confessed to shirabu while drunk
> 
> i would
> 
> cry 
> 
> happliy

** _headache_ _™_ **

_2:56pm_

**Sugamama**

did everyone get home safe

**Bokutoes**

yes mom

**Oikill me**

yes mother

**Ushiwack me**

Yes person who didn't actually give birth to me but somehow is a better parental figure than my actual parents

**dadchi**

I-

Yikes

**saltybu**

all this parental stuff gives me headaches

**Semight just die**

you give me a bigger headache

**saltybu**

_die_

**Semight just die**

_no :)_

**dadchi**

Shirabu,,no.

**Oikill me**

i've said this like 69 times alr

but

you're

hopeless

**saltybu**

yeah i'm hopeless

Half dead inside

O

P

E

L

E

S

S

**Semight just die**

we alr know that

you act like you get crushed every day

**saltybu**

actually,,

**Sugamama**

I'm

Going to rip my hair off

**dadchi**

Don't do that please

**Bokutoes**

who would want to buy a j-drama when theres one right here

full of ups and downs

b e t r a y a l

im looking at u kuroo

**Kuroh no**

are u stalking me

**Bokutoes**

what no-

**Reifu**

kuroo has a stalker??

**yakuwu**

lev, no

**Kuroh no**

yeah i do, bokuhoe is 

STALKING ME

**Reifu**

WHAT

**Sugamama**

NO HE ISN'T DON'T LISTEN TO KURO

**Reifu**

im

so confused

**yakuwu**

lev

he's

not

being

stalked

.

**Reifu**

but he said he was

**Kuroh no**

you should know by now that everything i say is a lie

**Reifu**

so you saying i don't know what to do with my arms is a lie?

**Kuroh no**

there are some exceptions

**Kozoom**

just dont listen to kuroo

ive been doing that ever since we met

**Kuroh no**

but playing games at 2am when you _should_ be sleeping is a problem >:(

**Kozoom**

whatever

**Semight just die**

he's right

playing games at 2am isnt good

**saltybu**

you stayed up till 2am on your laptop

and i couldn't fUCKING sleep

**Semight just die**

it was a movie tendou told me to watch

we were watching it tOGeTher

**sat-on-me**

semisemi ended in tears

**Semight just die**

IT WAS FUCKING EMOTIONAL OKAY

**saltybu**

lmao you were crying??

**Semight just die**

shut up

**yahaha no**

wait...

you guys have shared a room before?

**saltybu**

well,,,

**Semight just die**

whats the big deal?

we share rooms all the time

**yahaha no**

yeah but

what impact does that have on shirabu huh ;)

**saltybu**

NO

SHUT UP

**Mad dog**

dont tell him to shut up

god this chat is so bad

**saltybu**

then leave

**yahaha no**

no don't leave me

**yakuwu**

its dont leave _us_

stop being in gay panic

**yahaha no**

im not in gay panic!!!

**yakuwu**

thats three exclamation marks

**Bokutoes**

i declare you ~~guilty~~ gay

**Akeishit**

hm?

whats going on

**Kozoom**

welcome to yahaba's gay panic

and semishira cant sort out their shit

**Akeishit**

huh?

**Kozoom**

oh kuroo told me about

shirabu's

gay

crush

**saltybu**

NO

**Semight just die**

how hard is it to confess

**saltybu**

I DONT SEE YOU CONFESSING TO YOUR CRUSH

**Semight just die**

because i alr know its 100% unrequited

its been like that since last year and im fine with it

i guess

**saltybu**

crush since last year?

god

are you afraid of rejection

**Semight just die**

i alr know hes fine with someone else

so

**saltybu**

its a he??

**Semight just die**

yeah im bi

i thought i told you that

**saltybu**

no??

**Ushiwack me**

You did tell us

**sat-on-me**

he couldn't hear you coz he was too busy being salty

**dadchi**

Wow you and Tsukishima can be best friends

**Sugamama**

Daichi! Don't say that about our child

**dadchi**

Can Tsukishima be considered a child

He hates everyone and everything

**Sugamama**

True

He's that angsty teenager

**dadchi**

We're all angsty teenagers

**Sugamama**

Yep

**saltybu**

ok geez sorry i didnt know you were bi

god

**Mad dog**

you

are

an

idiot

:)

**saltybu**

D I E

* * *

_**what have we created** _

_3:12_

**Semi's Face**

honestly

just let me perish

i just wanna delete myself

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

Don't say that

**Oikawa's Nothing**

yeah i saw what happened in the chat

dude i think

cmon he probably likes you back

**Semi's Face**

srsly

the only things he says to me are 'die' and 'fuck you'

**Daichi's Thighs**

Lmao accurate

**Suga's Personality**

What I think you should do is

Just confess

What if he actually likes you back and is too scared to confess back?

And then you graduate and he moves on

And he find someone else to be with

**Semi's Face**

um

im actually counting on that

minus the requited love part

**Daichi's Thighs**

Just think about it

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

Satori and I are going out to drink

Maybe you would like to come?

**Oikawa's Nothing**

wow toshi-chan i never thought of you as the drinking type

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

I'm not, Satori just wanted me to come with him

**Semi's Face**

yeah ig it would be a good way to get my mind off things

**Kuroo's Abs**

don't get drunk

**Bokuto's Biceps**

no,,

get drunk

and confess to shirabu while drunk

and this j-drama can finally end

**Semi's Face**

yeah not happening

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

Meet us outside the main entrance

**Semi's Face**

coming

**Oikawa's Nothing**

if he confessed to shirabu while drunk

i would

cry 

happliy

**Daichi's Thighs**

^

**Suga's Personality**

^^

**Kuroo's Abs**

please

yes

i would die happy

alone

because kenma values games over me

**Bokuto's Biceps**

its ok bb im here

**Daichi's Thighs**

JUST STOP

NO

**Kuroo's Abs**

bb

its

cold outside

**Bokuto's Biceps**

its ok bb ill get my coat

**Suga's Personality**

Who's bottom

**Daichi's Thighs**

SUGA DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM

* * *

**_ Shirabu Kenjirou _ **

_6:57pm_

**Semi**

heyyyyuyuy 

**Shirabu**

wtf

**Semi**

havr ii ever tlod yu how deprssed i am>

**Shirabu**

um are you ok??

semi-san are you drunk?

**Semi**

noooop

wy woudl i be durnk?

**Shirabu**

um

misspelled words?

talking about your feelings??

**Semi**

omf speaknh of feelingsa

i hav liek the biggst fukcing cruhs

on thus dude

**Shirabu**

oh

who?

**Semi**

his naem is shirabu

liekfuck

**Shirabu**

what??

**Semi**

his hairctu is redicuousl tho

but like

whne he smils its so cute

and hat one tiem we sgared a room

it smelld like him]

and idk

probaly what hevan is liek

but ik he would nevr like me back

so

i hope he finds someon that loves him like i do

**Shirabu**

semi-san....

where are you

**Semi**

imsomwhre

in a bat oresome shir

**Shirabu**

in a bat??

**Semi**

a barrrr

stupid

ha

remids me that kenji always tels me to die

like

i would die[' for u

but

i wwould never telll him tahr

**Shirabu**

semi-san

is there anyone with you right now?

**Semi**

yeahthis dudde with red spiky hair

and his buff dude

woahhh his muscles are huge

**Shirabu**

oh god

alright

hey

do you really like shirabu?

**Semi**

oofc

i want him to be mi ne

but

never gong to hapen

but it is what it iss

shirabu will be happy with somne else

**Shirabu**

semi-san

you can call me kenji

i don't mind

**Semi**

okai

wait what

**Shirabu**

i love you too semi san ;)

**Semi**

juat call me eita

BHAHAHAH

OMG

**Shirabu**

what

**Semi**

hEYY SHIRABU ITS ME TENDOU

I STOLE SEMISEMI'S PHONE

I DON'T EVEN WANNA READ UP 

dw about him im bringing him back to the dorms

want me to drop him off at your place ;)

**Shirabu**

fuck

you

and sure

**Semi**

wow shirabu

you rlly need to expand your vocab 

'fuck you' and 'die' aren't very positive words

**Shirabu**

fuck

you

:)

**Semi**

you're welcome shirabu~~

cant wait for yall to be official

**Shirabu**

god

die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about not updating today because I literally spent the whole day doing my webcomic (only the first ten pages) and im burnt out as hell but yeah :D


	7. why oikawa didnt go to shiratorizawa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Yams is Gucci**
> 
> I can help you :D
> 
> send a pic?
> 
> **Levoma**
> 
> rlly?
> 
> thanks :D
> 
> homework.jpeg
> 
> you're so kinky :)
> 
> **Yams is Gucci**
> 
> iM WHAT-

_**headache™** _

_**.** _

_8:20am_

**sat-on-me**

sooo~

**@saltybu @Semight just die**

how was last night ;)

**saltybu**

oh my god fuck you

**Ushiwack me**

Yes, do spill the details

Semi was quite drunk last night

**Oikill me**

SPILL THE TEA SIS

**Semight just die**

shut up toshi

and uh,,,

yeah we're official

**Kuroh no**

OMG

DID YOU GET DRUNK AND CONFESS

**Bokutoes**

PLZ SAY THAT HAPPENED

**Semight just die**

uhhhh

m a y b e 

**Oikill me**

HOLY SHIT

I CAN DIE A PEACEFUL DEATH

**iwa-fan**

please do so asap

**Okill me**

wow rude

ig ill die alone lmao

**Ushiwack me**

Do not die Oikawa for I will have no one to tell to go to Shiratorizawa

No tea to spill to

**Oikill me**

wow your vocab is growing

SO

SEMISHIRA

WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT SPILL THE DETAILS

**Kozoom**

came on just to drink the steaming hot tea

**Akeishit**

Same

**Semight just die**

you wanna spill or me

**saltybu**

me,,because you won't tell it right

**Semight just die**

wow way to treat your boyfriend huh

**sat-on-me**

semisemi has been away from our dorm this whole night~

so semi probably stayed at shiraboo's place~~

how did it go

**saltybu**

ummm

tendou threw eita at my door for one

**Semight just die**

WHAT

is that why my arm hurts so much

**sat-on-me**

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTIC AND CATCH HIM

**saltybu**

THE DOOR WASN'T EVEN OPEN YET

**Semight just die**

SATORI I WILL END YOU

**sat-on-me**

cant wait~~

**Sugamama**

Shut up and continue

**saltybu**

right so i picked up eita from the ground

i think he passed out tho 

also he's heavy asf

**Sugamama**

Muscle mass?

**Dadchi**

Probably

**saltybu**

i forced water down his throat

uh i just put him in bed

the end

**Sugamama**

So,,,

You slept together

**saltybu**

we didn't do it-

yeah we just slept together

**Oikill me**

eita-chan you can stop being depressed now

**Semight just die**

yeah i could say the same to you

**Oikill me**

_you_ have your crush as your boyfriend

**Semight just die**

at this point i think toshi is a better match for you

**Oikill me**

ew no

**Ushiwack me**

Please no

And you already know I like someone else

_Who goes to Shiratorizawa_

**Oikill me**

shut up yOu already know why i went to seijohh :(((

**Semight just die**

;))))

**Dadchi**

Actually,,I'm really curious as to why Oikawa went to Seijoh

**Yakuwu**

same

you keep hinting theres a reason but you never tell us

**Yahaha no**

^

**Kozoom**

*sips tea*

**Akeishit**

...

**Sugamama**

Uhhh

Oikawa you don't have to tell them

But can I tell Daichi?

**Oikill me**

wait lemme

_**Oikill me** kicked **iwa-fan** from **headache™**_

**saltybu**

wha-

**Mad dog**

can you kick me too

**Yahaha no**

no

dont kick him

**Mad dog**

why do you like to torture me

**yakuwu**

kinky

**Reifu**

what does kinky mean

**Sugamama**

LEV NO

**Kuroh no**

kinky means

**Sugamama**

KUROO.

If you tell him what it means I will break your kneecaps :)

**Kuroh no**

yessir

**Reifu**

so what does it mean...

**Bokutoes**

it means nice

**Reifu**

ah ok

**yakuwu**

i have a feeling this is going to go badly

**Oikill me**

sorry i went to get milk bread

anyway the reason i went to seijoh was because iwa-chan was going to seijoh

and i wanted to be with iwa-chan

because

uh

**Sugamama**

He has a crush on Iwaizumi

**Dadchi**

Wow who knew

**Reifu**

i didnt!

thats cute :D

**yahaha no**

bruhhh

when you serve iwaizumi looks at you 

like

rlly

its gross

**Oikill me**

he doesn't like my serves...??

**yahaha no**

no its like

he likes it

**Oikill me**

oHHH

Its like when Suga stares at Daichi's thighs

**Dadchi**

What-

**Sugamama**

WHAT I DON'T DO THAT HAHA

**Dadchi**

When we get home 

I'm checking your computer

**Sugamama**

WAIT I-

**Oikill me**

he has a folder named Daichi's thighs

**Sugamama**

UM NO I DON'T

**Dadchi**

I'm not mad about it ;)

**Sugamama**

God

**Oikill me**

anyway

theres no way iwa-chan looks at me like that alright?

**yahaha no**

whatever you say

**_Oikill me_ ** _added **Iwaizumi Hajime** to **headache™.  
** This user will be unable to see previous messages._

**_Oikill me_ ** _changed **Iwaizumi Hajime** 's nickname to **iwa-fan**_

**iwa-fan**

ok wow

explain

**Oikill me**

no reason

**iwa-fan**

...

* * *

_ **first years do be riding high** _

**Levoma**

heyy

can someone help me with my homework

**Tsukki-she-ma**

don't ask hinata or kageyama, 100% fail guarentee

**Shrimp**

hey don't say that! I have some brain

**Milk**

no you don't, and neither do i

**Shirmp**

bakeyama >:(((

**Milk**

:)

**Yams is Gucci**

I can help you :D

send a pic?

**Levoma**

rlly?

thanks :D

homework.jpeg

you're so kinky :)

**Yams is Gucci**

iM WHAT-

**Tsukki-she-ma**

I-

OH MY GOD

**Levoma**

what

**Milk**

i CANT BREATHE

**Shrimp**

HAH

WAIT KAGEYAMA IM COMING TO SAVE YOU

**Levoma**

...??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thus the iwaoi arc begins


	8. my friend broke down while playing truth or dare?! (t or d gone wrong?? | not clickbait)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Kuroh no**
> 
> well we can always just ask him in a game of truth or dare
> 
> **Bokutoes**
> 
> can we vc? i want to see iwaizumi's reaction
> 
> **yakuwu**
> 
> evil

_ **every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

_**.** _

_12:26am_

**Dadchi**

So,

I was thinking we should help Oikawa next

_**Dadchi** added **Semi Eita**_

**_Dadchi_ ** _changed **Semi Eita** 's nickname to **Semight just die**_

**Sugamama**

Ooh good idea

Every time a couple get's together we add the other?

**Semight just die**

oh hello

helping oikawa? please

he's dense as ever

worse than kenji

**saltybu**

hey you were dense too

**Semight just die**

not as dense as you

**saltybu**

wanna bet

**yakuwu**

some things never change

**yahaha no**

plz help oiks i swear he's not capable of anything

**Oikill me**

wow ok rude

you and mad dog?

**yahaha no**

ok but i had the guts to slam him against a wall

i dont see you doing that

**Oikill me**

because iwa-chan wouldve killed me!

**yahaha no**

kyoutani was capable of killing me

bUt he didnt

**Oikill me**

i dont even know why he likes you

**yahaha no**

wait what

**Kuroh no**

HEY YKNOW WHAT I JUST THOUGHT OF

see oiks u dont know if iwa likes u back right

**Oikill me**

hes straight

**Bokutoes**

ah,

a typical accusation

**Semight just die**

stop assuming sexuality

**Oikill me**

ha 

remember that one time semi was having a gay panic

kept saying shirabu was straight

**Semight just die**

that was my tragic past

**Oikill me**

THAT WAS 2 DAYS AGO

**Kuroh no**

well we can always just ask him in a game of truth or dare

**Bokutoes**

can we vc? i want to see iwaizumi's reaction

**yakuwu**

evil

**Semight just die**

**@saltybu** come to my dorm

**saltybu**

are you kidding me

fine

**Semight just die**

its only one level up

**saltybu**

but i have to get c h a n g e d

**Semight just die**

who said you need to get changed ;)

**saltybu**

d i e

**Dadchi**

Good idea

Also a good opportunity to obtain blackmail on peers

**Sugamama**

Oh god

**yakuwu**

aight im in

**yahaha no**

ig im in too

* * *

_**headache** _ _**™** _

_**.** _

_12:53am_

**Bokutoes**

HEYHEYHEY

LET'S PLAY TOD

**Kuroh no**

hell yeah

vc as well

**iwa-fan**

sure ig

**Akeishit**

Ah I guess we could?

**Kozoom**

im playing acnh

**Akeishit**

Please Kozume, I don't want to be stuck with a bunch of psychos

Not including Iwaizumi

**Kozoom**

fine ig

**Dadchi**

By the way, Karasuno is over at my house right now

So it might be a bit loud

**Sugamama**

Go upstairs

**Dadchi**

Why are we texting you're right next to me

**Sugamama**

I can't hear you over Tanaka's loud rap music

**Dadchi**

I'll just tell Ennoshita to look over them

* * *

_**Karasue us™** _

_**.** _

_yesterday 1:00am_

**Yams**

AND THEN HE

HE CALLED ME KINKY

**the king**

I COULDN'T B R E A T HE

AND THEN HINATA BOKE CAME OVER TO SMACK ME

**boke**

YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T BREATHE

**mom™**

Ah, so Lev listened to what Bokuto said-

Also, go to bed

It's late

**boke**

finee

gn 

**the king**

gn

**.**

_today 1:05pm_

**dad™**

**@help me** Ennoshita, Suga and I are going upstairs. Can you look after everyone else?

**help me**

fine just dont be too loud

**dad™**

What-

**mom™**

He thinks we're going to do it

**dad™**

No-

**help me**

yeahyeah whatever just go

* * *

_**headache** _ _**™** _

**Dadchi**

Okay he said yes, who's starting the video chat?

**Kuroh no**

hell yeah

_**Kuroh no** started a **video chat** **  
**_

_click to join_

**_._ **

Daichi's icon appeared on screen a few seconds later, the box showing Daichi and Suga huddled in a fort of pillows and blankets. Kuroo waved hello, noticing the muffled rap/pop music. Suga quickly apologised for the noise.

Slowly, the screen filled icons and people, Oikawa being the last to join. He looked reluctant to speak, instead chewing on his stash of milk bread.

"Alright, so who's starting?" Daichi started when everyone had arrived. Akaashi shrugged.

"Bokuto-san, because he offered first."

"I didn't! Kuroo brought up the idea!" 

Kuroo stroked his chin as a name fell out of his mouth. "Iwaizumi." A hum was heard from the ace's box, a sign that he was listening. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," He answered with no hesitation, a sly grin formed onto his features. "Give me all you've got"

Kenma perked up, his face now visible. Despite playing Animal Crossing, he was clearly still interested in the conversation.

"I dare you to call your crush." Iwaizumi's face pales at this. Kuroo couldn't help but laugh and fall off his chair

"And who said I had a crush," the ace drawls slowly, not noticing how Oikawa tensed up. "I don't have time for crushes."

Suga made a small noise, burying his head in Daichi's shoulder. The call fell silent, the only sound being Karasuno's muffled party from downstairs.

"So," Iwaizumi cleared this throat. "Bokuto, truth or dare?"

"Are you sure you don't have a crush?" Yahaba spoke up. "I mean I've seen the way you look at-"

"Shut up." Seijoh's ace was pure red now. "Look, I don't have a crush okay?"

Yahaba mumbled something along the lines of "whatever you say" and the game progressed.

"Bokuto-san, truth or dare?"

"Truth, I guess."

"If you had to date anyone in this call, who would it be?"

"Well," he smirked, eyes drifting to Akaashi. "It would obviously be my man Kuroo."

"Yes, babe, I love you too." Kuroo grinned. He stuck up his middle finger. Bokuto reacted with a gasp, but nonetheless stuck up his middle finger as well.

Daichi groaned from his box. "You guys suck."

"We know"

Iwaizumi, who was confused beforehand and had now realised the joke, sighed. "It's supposed to be the _t_ _ruth_ , Bokuto-san, but I'll let it slide.

"Oiks, truth or dare?"

Oikawa sighed. "I don't know, they're both bad." he paused, scanning the many boxes. "Eita-chan can choose for me."

Semi, who was carding sleeping Shirabu's hair answered with a hum. "Dare."

"Tooru, are you alright? You're awfully quiet." Ushijima cuts in. 

"I'm fine, thanks Ushiwaka." a weak smile. Semi and Ushijima immediately cringe. He's not okay.

"Oikawa, leave the call," worry visible in Semi's voice.

"What, no. I'm fine." Oikawa had avoided talking up until this point, knowing that he might cry if he did. Now, it looked like he was going to break.

"Fuck, if we were allowed to I would've let you come over, but Shiratorizawa doesn't accept outsiders."

"See, you should've gone to Shiratorizawa." Ushijima smiles.

Oikawa seemed to lighten up to that. "Shut up."

Suddenly, a crash sounded from Daichi and Suga's box. The two immediately looked over.

"Boke Hinata fell off the table!"

"He what?" The pinch server immediately stood up, but Daichi looked unfazed.

"Alright, I think that's enough drama for one day." Akaashi cleared his voice as he spoke up. "Bye everyone"

Oikawa merely smiled, clicking off as soon as Akaashi finished. Everyone else said their goodbyes and the boxes disappeared one by one.

.

_call duration: 59:32_

* * *

_**what have we created** _

**Semi's Face**

Oiks, are you ok?

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

You looked like you were going to cry

**Oikawa's Nothing**

oh yeah, i'm fine

my crush doesn't have a crush im fine :)

**Daichi's Thighs**

...

_**Daichi's Thighs** changed **Oikawa's Nothing** 's name to **Oikawa's Everything**_

**Oikawa's Everything**

what-

**Daichi's Thighs**

You know, you're a really great person Oikawa

Under your really annoying layer

**Oikawa's Everything**

really?

thanks..

**Semi's Face**

we love you :DD

**Ushiwaka's Di-**

There is always a spot open in Shiratorizawa for you

**Oikawa's Everything**

ew stop yall are cheesy

i'm crying even more now

* * *

_ **Iwaizumi Hajime** _

_**.** _

_2:26pm_

**Yahaba**

well you fucked up

**Iwaizumi**

yeah no need to rub it in my face yahaba

**Yahaba**

dude why didn't you let me finish my sentence

**Iwaizumi**

oikawa is a womanizer, he's _straight_

**Yahaba**

you

i hate this

fuck everything

you do know that Oikawa's pan right?

**Iwaizumi**

you're joking

**Yahaba**

hey this is your problem not mine

best of luck to you

i thought you were smart

**Iwaizumi**

shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually don't have acnh but my friends are obsessed with it so  
> also have some angst! :D


	9. oikawa (tries) to get over Iwaizumi

_ **every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

**_december - 3 months until graduation_ **

**_._ **

_3:40pm_

**Oikill me**

YOOO

I AM NEW

I HAVE RECREATED MYSELF

**yakuwu**

are you no longer annoying

**Oikill me**

OKAY R U D E

I HAVE GOTTEN OVER MY CRUSH WITH IWAIZUMI

**yahaha no**

wait what

that easily??

**Dadchi**

Anyone gonna talk about how he said Iwaizumi instead of Iwa-chan?

**Oikill me**

oh yeah

i was thinking

iwaizumi always says that when i say iwa-chan its annoying

so i stopped

**yahaha no**

oikawa this doesn't seem like a good idea

you were also avoiding iwaizumi the whole day

**Oikill me**

well yeah all i had to do was engross myself with my many fangirls

**yakuwu**

aren't u and iwa like childhood friends?

you replaced him that easily?

**Oikill me**

ofc i didn't replace him

well

im trying to

**Dadchi**

this doesn't seem like a great idea...

_**Oikill me** added **Ushijima Wakatoshi**_

**Oikill me**

I forgot to 

every time

**_Oikill me_ ** _changed **Ushijima Wakatoshi** 's nickname to **Ushiwack me**_

**saltybu**

hey

who's he pining for

**Oikill me**

ten doughs

**saltybu**

wait rlly

srsly

woah

questioning his taste in men

wait but then my taste in men is bad too

**Semight just die**

wow?? um @ me next time

**saltybu**

i still love u

**Semight just die**

same <33

**Oikill me**

ok ew stop

this is gross

**yakuwu**

lmao

**Ushiwack me**

Oh, greetings Tooru

**Oikill me**

hey ushiwaka

**Dadchi**

KJSKASJLA

UPDATE

**yakuwu**

did daichi just keyboard smash

**yahaha no**

100% approved

**Dadchi**

SHUT UP :)

MY BB CROWS ARE EVOLVING

**Sugamama**

RIGHT???

**yakuwu**

woah

i just realised

when did suga get into this gc??

**yahaha no**

oh

thats simple

the author is dumb and forgot that suga wasn't in this gc

but kept him anyway

**Oikill me**

who?

**Sugamama**

what?

**yahaha no**

what?

anyway spill the tea

**Dadchi**

RIGHT SO

KAGEYAMA AND HINATA GOT TOGETHER

THEY'RE SO CUTE AND DOMESTIC I CRY

**Sugamama**

AND TSUKISHIMA AND YAMAGUCHI GOT TOGETHER TOO

Apparently Kags and Tsukki had a bet to see who would ask out their crush first

I got to experience the whole thing

And Kageyama was so flustered he didn't know how to act

**Oikill me**

wow even the salty dude?

**Kuroh no**

omg tsukki finally asked yams out

cute

**Bokutoes**

wow if first years can do it why cant u oiks

**Oikill me**

shut up

why cant u ask akaashi out

**Bokutoes**

i will

when i die :)

**Kuroh no**

same :)

**Sugamama**

Oh god

**Dadchi**

Stop getting off topic

Iwaoi

**Sugamama**

Right, yes, Iwaoi

**Oikill me**

is that supposed to be our ship name?

**Kuroh no**

yep

its a good ship name shut up

**Oikill me**

well

hate to break it to u

but i dont like iwaizumi anymore

**yakuwu**

god stop saying iwaizumi it makes me get shivers

**Oikill me**

but saying iwa-chan is annoying??

**Ushiwack me**

Since when have you cared about what others think?

**Oikill me**

i-

look i just dont want to feel broken anymore

**yakuwu**

welcome to feeling dead inside 24/7

**Oikill me**

wow *sniff* this is such a welcoming place

**yakuwu**

no, fuck you

**yahaha no**

im sure iwa likes you

**Oikill me**

are you deaf

he literally said he didnt have a crush

**yahaha no**

maybe he was panicking?

**Oikill me**

ugh whatever

i am crush free

**Dadchi**

No you're not we can all tell

**Oikill me**

help me get over it then

**Sugamama**

Nah, you're good

**Oikill me**

kindly fuck off :)

* * *

_**Iwaizumi Hajime** _

**Yahaba**

i 

am so done

**Iwaizumi**

Hello so done

**Yahaba**

that joke is old, stop it

**Iwaizumi**

What do you need?

**Yahaba**

1) you rlly fucked up

2) oikawa is a mess

3) he stopped saying iwa-chan and its giving yaku shivers

you alr know he likes u right??

**Iwaizumi**

No need to remind me that I fucked up, thanks Yahaba

Also Oikawa has never said directly that he liked me how do I know that you're not pulling my leg?

**Yahaba**

wow do u rlly not trust me that much

**Iwaizumi**

It's not that I don't trust you

Just that I'm really doubtful that Oikawa likes men

**Yahaba**

I told u he's p a n jesus christ

**Iwaizumi**

Are you sure?

**Yahaba**

yES!!!!!

**Iwaizumi**

Very sure?

**Yahaba**

FOR FUCKS SAKE

go ask ushiwaka or smth

**Iwaizumi**

Definitely not

I strongly dislike Ushijima

**Yahaba**

what

you hate ushiwaka?

**Iwaizumi**

I don't hate him

I strongly dislike him

**Yahaba**

they sound abt the same to me

**Iwaizumi**

They're different, I assure you

**Yahaba**

whats so bad about him

**Iwaizumi**

Oh, I don't know

He just

\- Pisses off Oikawa so much to the point where he rants to me about how much he hates him

\- Made Oikawa cry

\- Keeps repeating "You should've gone to Shiratorizawa"

\- Makes Oikawa regret his decisions

Do I need to go on

**Yahaba**

ok yeah but u made oiks cry too

**Iwaizumi**

Wait what

**Yahaba**

oops sorry

not sorry

**Iwaizumi**

I made him cry? When?

**Yahaba**

yesterday

for gods sake

if ur not gonna ask him out at least apologise

but he's literally tryna get over u

better snatch him before its too late

**Iwaizumi**

Ughh

Alright

* * *

**_ Oikawa Tooru _ **

**Iwaizumi**

Hey

**Oikawa**

can i help you??

**Iwaizumi**

Did I make you cry yesterday?

**Oikawa**

no..?

**Iwaizumi**

Are you sure?

**Oikawa**

yes, i'm fine iwaizumi thanks

**Iwaizumi**

Stop calling me that

And stop avoiding me at school

**Oikawa**

i thought u said it was annoying when i call u iwa-chan

**Iwaizumi**

When did I ever say that?

**Oikawa**

middle school

**Iwaizumi**

I-

That was ages ago wtf

**Oikawa**

eh

i remembered

**Iwaizumi**

Just

Can you keep calling me Iwa-chan?

**Oikawa**

what a strange request

but fine

anything else?

**Iwaizumi**

Stop avoiding me?

**Oikawa**

uh

**Iwaizumi**

Look, I'm sorry for whatever the fuck I did

**Oikawa**

whatever

fine i'll stop avoiding u

anything else??

**Iwaizumi**

Wanna go out on Sunday

**Oikawa**

whatever fine

wait what

is this a date ;)

**Iwaizumi**

No??

Yes??

**Oikawa**

what

**Iwaizumi**

Bold of you to assume I know what I'm saying too

Are you coming or not

**Oikawa**

whatever

**Iwaizumi**

I'll take that as a yes

* * *

_ **every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

**Oikill me**

HELLO

UPDATE

I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH IWA-CHAN AGAIN

THIS IS NOT GOOD

**yakuwu**

like you ever fell out of love with him to begin with

**Oikill me**

kindly shut up yaku :)


	10. SIDE STORY: how kageyama and tsukishima got their shit together (unlike sOME people)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Tsukishima Kei** _
> 
> _**.** _
> 
> _12:54pm_
> 
> **Kageyama**
> 
> It's time to get our shit together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not an actual update,,,but a side story about kagehina and tsukiyama ;)

_**Tsukishima Kei** _

_**.** _

_12:54pm_

**Kageyama**

It's time to get our shit together

**Tsukishima**

Why are you talking to me?

And what are you talking about?

**Kageyama**

Oh you don't want to talk to me?

Okay

**Tsukishima**

Wait,

What are you talking about?

**Kageyama**

Thought you didn't want to talk to me?

**Tsukiyama**

I don't.

But I want to know what you're talking about.

**Kageyama**

God stop using full stops

They're creepy

**Tsukiyama**

I apologise for being grammatically correct.

**Kageyama**

Ugh

Anyway

I know you like Yamaguchi

**Tsukiyama**

I do not.

**Kageyama**

Stop being a Shirabu

**Tsukiyama**

Who?

**Kageyama**

Shirabu? Setter of Shiratorizawa?

**Tsukiyama**

You keep in contact with him?

**Kageyama**

No, Daichi and Suga do

And I think Oikawa-san does as well

**Tsukiyama**

Whatever.

**Kageyama**

I bet you don't have the guts to ask Yamaguchi out

**Tsukiyama**

Oh yeah? What about you and Hinata huh?

**Kageyama**

What about the boke

**Tsukiyama**

You act like an old married couple 24/7.

Always bickering.

It's so annoying.

**Kageyama**

Oh yeah? At least I don't tell my crush to shut up all the time

**Tsukiyama**

At least I don't hit my crush all the time.

**Kageyama**

It's kinky

**Tsukiyama**

No, it's not.

Don't be a Lev.

**Kageyama**

Lmao Lev called Yamaguchi kinky

How did you feel

**Tsukiyama**

Nothing?

**Kageyama**

Nah, you were jealous

**Tsukiyama**

No, I wasn't.

**Kageyama**

Sureee whatever floats your boat

**Tsukiyama**

What kind of saying is that?

**Kageyama**

A good one

Okay, let's make a bet

**Tsukiyama**

No thanks.

I'm good.

**Kageyama**

What do you mean iM gOOD

You're not good

Pining idiot

**Tsukiyama**

Same goes to you.

**Kageyama**

Fine then, I'll ask Hinata out and we'll be happy

While you continue to pine helplessly over Yamaguchi

oH hOW i wiSH i liStenEd tO kAgeyAMA

nEHnEHn nEH iM suCH an iDIoT gODDAmn I nEEd tO stOp tELling yAmaGUChi tO SHut uP

**Tsukiyama**

...

What do I get out of this.

**Kageyama**

I'll ask Hinata out if you ask Yamaguchi out

**Tsukiyama**

No.

**Kageyama**

I'll buy you a life-sized Dinosaur plushie I saw on E-Wae the other day

**Tsukiyama**

Deal.

**Kageyama**

Wait, but you have to buy me milk for a month

**Tsukiyama**

What? You have milk every two seconds.

**Kageyama**

I do :D

Thank you for noticing

So?

**Tsukiyama**

Fine, whatever.

Deal.

When do we have to ask them out by?

**Kageyama**

Tonight

If Yamaguchi rejects you, you don't have to buy me milk

And I won't buy you the dinosaur plushie if Hinata rejects me

**Tsukiyama**

I feel really uneasy about this...

I really want that dinosaur plushie.

**Kageyama**

Well pray that Hinata returns my feelings

**Tsukiyama**

I can't believe I'm talking to an idiot.

**Kageyama**

That idiot could get you a relationship with Yamaguchi

Good luck ;)

**Tsukiyama**

Ew, god.

* * *

_**Boke Hinata Boke  
**__nickname recovered from contacts. press here_ _to undo_

_**.** _

_6:30pm_

**Kageyama**

Hey

Boke

**Boke Hinata Boke**

:0

hey kageyama!! :D

**Kageyama**

Uh

Can you meet me behind the Gym?

**Boke Hinata Boke**

huh?

but its 6:30?

**Kageyama**

Just do it

**Boke Hinata Boke**

alright,,,

did i do something wrong?

**Kageyama**

No

Just need to talk to you

**Boke Hinata Boke**

cant you do it over text?

**Kageyama**

No

This is important

Just shut up and get here

**Boke Hinata Boke**

Okayokay i'm coming

bakeyama

* * *

_** YamaGUCCI  ** _

_nickname recovered from contacts. press here_ _to undo_

_**.** _

_6:45pm_

**Tsukiyama**

Hey.

Can I talk to you about something?

It's important.

**YamaGUCCI**

hey tsukki :D

sure?

**Tsukiyama**

Uh,

I don't know how to say this,

But I've liked you for a while...

**YamaGUCCI**

wait rlly?

**Tsukiyama**

Sorry for all the times I told you to shut up,

I didn't really mean it.

**YamaGUCCI**

AWWW TSUKKI

I LIKE YOU TOO

**Tsukiyama**

Really?

**YamaGUCCI**

yeah obv

**Tsukiyama**

So uh?

Boyfriend?

**YamaGUCCI**

yes duh

you're so awkward lmao

**Tsukiyama**

Sorry-

**YamaGUCCI**

don't beee

ily <3

**Tsukiyama**

I love you too <33

* * *

_**Kageyama Tobio** _

_Save to contacts?_

_> yes< no_

_change contact name_

**_ The person I owe a one month supply of Milk to _ **

_save?_

_> yes< no_

_saving..._

**_The person I owe a one month supply of Milk to_ **

_nickname recovered from contacts. press here_ to undo

_**.** _

_7:03pm_

**Tsukiyama**

Hey.

How did it go?

**The person I owe a one month supply of Milk to**

Great!!

I told Hinata to meet me behind the gym at school

Told him how I felt

We hugged and kissed

And then we walked home together

Stupid boke didn't bring a coat so I let him use mine

IT LOOKED LIKE A BOYFRIEND SHIRT

I was so red

anyway

Wbu?

**Tsukiyama**

Uh

I asked him out over text??

**The person I owe a one month supply of Milk to**

DUDE

N O

Everyone knows you shouldn't ask people out over text

Unless it's an online relationship idk

**Tsukiyama**

Yeah but meeting up is so inconvenient

He still returned my feelings and now we're dating so...

**The person I owe a one month supply of Milk to**

Ugh

You're so stupid

**Tsukiyama**

I'm not the one who made my crush ride his bike all the way to school just to talk

**The person I owe a one month supply of Milk to**

i-

SHUT UP

* * *

  
_**Karasue us™** _

_**.** _

_7:06pm_

**boke**

HELLO

KAGEYAMA CAN WE TELL THEM

PLZ

**the king**

ofc

**Yams**

OMG TSUKKI CAN WE TELL THEM TOO

**help me 2.0**

sure

**mom™**

MY CHILDREN

WHAT'S HAPPENING

**rolling noya**

yESYES PLZ SPILL

**boke**

KAGEYAMA AND I ARE DATING

**Yams**

OMG SAME WITH ME AND TSUKKI

OMG

OUR ANNIVERSARY IS ON THE SAME DAY

**boke**

THATS SO COOL AHH

DOUBLE DATES??

**Yams**

uM HELL YEAH

**mom™**

OMG

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU *wipes tear*

**rolling noya**

aHHHHHH

THATS SO GOOD

**@jesus**

THEY'VE G R O W N

**jesus**

Congratulations :D

**dad™**

AHH MY CROW SONS

CONGRATULATIONS

WOW YOU ACTUALLY GOT YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

UNLIKE OIKAWA AND IWAIZUMI

SMH

**mom™**

ITS OKAY THEY'LL GET THERE ONE DAY

PARTY AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW YALL

**dad™**

YES

**boke**

OMG SUGA

MOM

I LOVE U

**mom™**

ILYT SON

**the king**

HINATA I SWEAR IF YOU FALL OFF THE TABLE AGAIN

**boke**

I WON'T KAGEYAMA I PROMISE

**tanakick me**

HELL YEAH

CAN I BE THE DJ AGAIN

**help me**

oh god

congrats you two!!

**boke**

THANKS ENNOSHITAA

**Yams**

THANK YOU ALL

I LOVE U ALL

* * *

**_E-Wae -_ _jap_ **

**Item**

_Life-sized Dinosaur Plushie 100% cotton, easy wash (green and blue) > added to cart  
★★★★☆ 4.2 stars_

_\- ¥2748.93_

_+¥742.95 shipping_

_total ¥3491.89_

_would you like to confirm your purchase_

_> yes< no_

_tracking number 694206969  
_

_click here_ _to track your purchase  
_

.

"Stupid Tsukishima and his stupid dinosaurs.." Kageyama mumbled under his breath as he confirmed the payment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying to experiment with how realistic i can make this! :D  
> thats why i have the _nickname recovered from contacts. press here_ _to undo_ stuff  
> i'll probably use it from now on bc im not bothered to go back and change them  
> look out for the normal update later today :))))


	11. oikawa tooru,,calm the fuck down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Oikill me**
> 
> I WILL NOT ' C L A M ' THE FUCK DOWN HOW DO U EVEN DO THAT
> 
> HOW DO U CLAM DOWN
> 
> **Kuroh no**
> 
> I MEANT CALM DOWN AND U KNOW IT

_ **every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

**_december - 3 months until graduation_ **

**_._ **

_1:00am_

**Oikill me**

OK SO

IWA-CHAN CONFIRMED TIMES AND SHIT

IM SO FUCKING NERVOUS

AND I GO OUT WITH IWA-CHAN ALL THE TIME

BUT THIS SEEMS LIKE A DATE

WHAT IF EVERYTHING GOES WRONG

WHAT IF I LOOK BAD

WHAT IF MY HAIR LOOKS OUT OF PLACE

**Kuroh no**

Oikawa

Fucking

Tooru

clam the fuck down

oh shit

**Oikill me**

I WILL NOT ' C L A M ' THE FUCK DOWN HOW DO U EVEN DO THAT

HOW DO U CLAM DOWN

**Kuroh no**

I MEANT CALM DOWN AND U KNOW IT

**Sugamama**

WHAT THE FUCK

IT'S 1AM

DO YOU EVER SLEEP

**Bokutoes**

huh

whats sleep

i have never heard of such thing

**Sugamama**

Bokuto Koutarou.

You will go the fuck to sleep right now before I come for your kneecaps.

**Bokutoes**

yessir

**Kuroh no**

do u have a kneecap kink or smth

**Sugamama**

Ew definitely not

But you should sleep as well

**Kuroh no**

Oikawa's going through a crisis tho

**Oikill me**

YES THANK U FOR ACKNOWLEDGING MY PRESENCE

I'M F R E A K I N G OUT

UGHH

**Sugamama**

When are you going to meet up with him??

**Oikill me**

12:30pm

**Sugamama**

And what time is it? :)

**Oikill me**

...1am

**Sugamama**

Exactly

GET THE FUCK TO BED RIGHT NOW.

**Oikill me**

GAH OK DON'T KILL ME

**Sugamama**

Goodnight :)

_**.** _

_8:20am_

**Dadchi**

Gooooooooooooooooooood morning :D

The day of Oikawa's death

**Oikill me**

bold of u to assume i havent alr died

**Dadchi**

Valid point

**yakuwu**

hi!! welcome to oikawa's gay crisis how may i assist you :)

**yahaha no**

by being dead

**yakuwu**

request dENIED.

fuck u yahaba

**yahaha no**

wow,,,leaving oikawa's gay crisis this is a bad place

i rate it 1 star out of 5

no, 0.5 stars out of 5

**Oikill me**

wow u dare to rate my gay crisis that low??

**yahaha no**

yep

**Oikill me**

r u d e

anyone give actual advice??

**Ushiwack me**

Be yourself

Think of it as just hanging out

Not a date

Did he say it was a date?

**Oikill me**

he said no and then yes

i am confusion

**Ushiwack me**

I thought your name was Oikawa?

**Oikill me**

wow, real funny ushiwaka

this is the pinnacle of comedy

**Ushiwack me**

I know, I'm so amusing

I should become a comedian

**Oikill me**

you'll be living on the streets

**Ushiwack me**

Thanks, Tooru

**Sugamama**

Ushijima is right

Just be yourself

**Oikill me**

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

**Sugamama**

Shut the fuck up and get ready :)

**yakuwu**

just realised

didnt think suga swore as much as he does

**Sugamama**

I just don't swear as much in front of my children

I still do just

Put down a notch

**yakuwu**

wow

i wish kuroo did that for our chat

lIKE I DO

**Kuroh no**

you're the responsible mom

i'm the chaotic dad

it balances out

**yakuwu**

nO IT DOESNT!!!!

well it does but

ITS NOT FAIR fOR ME

**Kuroh no**

Nobody is stopping u from being a chaotic mom

**yakuwu**

ugh

**Oikill me**

okok

im 

done??

my hair 

looks gross but

whatever

**Sugamama**

Wow I thought that was natural hair

**Oikill me**

wow if it was natural

i wouldve been perfect from the start

**Sugamama**

Hm

**Okill me**

9am is too eaRLY to go out??

**yahaha no**

get bubble tea

thats what i do when im early

**Kuroh no**

MMMMMMMMMMM

BUBBLE TEA

CAN I JUST SAY

THE BEST THING INVENTED

**Bokutoes**

I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED BY BUBBLE TEA

**Dadchi**

I've

Never tried bubble tea before

**Ushiwack me**

^

**Oikill me**

GASP

SRSLY???

**Sugamama**

I'll bring bubble tea to the party later today

**Dadchi**

Okay

**Kuroh no**

Huh? Party?

**Sugamama**

Yeah, in celebration of our crows evolving

**Bokutoes**

omg yall are the best parents

now i know why karasuno loves u

dam n

**Semight just die**

goodmorning

just woke up

im sure kenji is gonna kill me but

lookatmybbgo.png

sleeping shirabu is soft shirabu

**Sugamama**

Omg yall are so domestic wtf

Daichi, why can't we do that

**Dadchi**

What do you mean we do that all the time

**Sugamama**

:(

**Dadchi**

We can sleep later okay?

**Sugamama**

:D

**Oikill me**

IMMMMMM

FREAKING OUTTTT

ALSO TOOK A MYSTERY PILLLLL

THOUGHT IT WAS TO CALM ME DOWN

BUT IM FUCKING H Y P E D

WOO

**yakuwu**

is this a good thing or bad thing

**yahaha no**

if its oikawa, its a bad thing

**Oikill me**

YO IM

I FEEL SICK

**Sugamama**

Holy shit please don't throw up on Iwaizumi

**Oikill me**

WHY WOUKD I DI THAT??

THATS STUDPIF

**Semight just die**

uhh

oikawa??

**Oikill me**

heY SMEI

**Semight just die**

how many fingers am i holding up

image0.jpeg

**Oikill me**

uhh

three

**Semight just die**

ok so he's not that loopy

**Sugamama**

Do a double check

how many fingers

image0.jpeg

**Oikill me**

enough to make daichi scream ;))

jk

five

**Sugamama**

Ew

God

Okay so you should be fine?

**Oikill me**

ugh im freaking outt

**Dadchi**

Calm down

You got this :D

**Ushiwack me**

Yes, go Oikawa

I hope you don't ruin your relationship with Iwaizumi

**Oikill me**

real comforting words thanks Ushiwaka

**Ushiwack me**

No problem Tooru.

* * *

**_ Iwa-chan  
  
_ ** _nickname recovered from contacts. press here to undo._

**Iwa-chan**

Hey Oikawa

I'm outside

**Oikawa**

wow that's creepy iwa-chan

**Iwa-chan**

Shut up

Are you ready?

**Oikawa**

yeah

ig

**Iwa-chan**

Meet me outside when you're ready

* * *

**_ Karasue us™ _ **

**_._ **

_12:58pm_

**help me**

WHAT WAS THAT SOUND

**the king**

WHERE'S HINATA

**mom™**

WHATS HAPPENING MY CHILDREN

**the king**

CANT FIND BOKE??

**@boke**

WHERE ARE YOU

**help me 2.0**

Ummm.

Found him.

**mom™**

WHERE

**the king**

WHERE

**help me 2.0**

He fell off the table.

**the king**

...

**rolling noya**

AHAHHAA

WHY DOES HE CLIMB ON THE TABLES

**Yams**

It makes him taller lMAO

**the king**

fucking boke

**mom™**

EXCUSE ME

DO NOT SWEAR

**the king**

but you do it all the time??

**mom™**

IM NOT A FIRST YEAR

SMHH

**the king**

yes mom

**boke**

hii :D

**the king**

HINATA.

YOU AND ME WILL HAVE A NICE LONG TALK ABOUT HOW YOU CANNOT STAND ON TABLES ANYMORE.

**boke**

but-

**the king**

NO.

YOU'RE BANNED FROM TABLES.

**rolling noya**

im screen-shotting all of this

**jesus**

babe please

**rolling noya**

nah im doing it anyway :D

* * *

_ **every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

_**.** _

_3:30pm_

**Oikill me**

hey

im home

**Sugamama**

OMG

HOW WAS IT

HOW DID IT GO

**Oikill me**

i...

uh

we're done

**Dadchi**

What?

**Oikill me**

I ruined our relationship.

**yakuwu**

wait,,,you're kidding

**Oikill me**

yep, we're no longer friends

**Sugamama**

wait what happened

**Oikill me**

we're no longer friends

bECAUSE WE'RE DATING NOW

BOYFRIENDS YO

**yahaha no**

haha so funny ugh

**Ushiwack me**

I got scared for a second

But then I realised this is Oikawa being Oikawa

**Oikill me**

you know me so well toshi-chan ;)

**yakuwu**

OMG

CONGRATS

POOR IWAIZUMI

**Oikill me**

EXCUSE ME???

**yakuwu**

you heard me ;)

**Kuroh no**

BROOOOOOOOOOOOO

IM SO PROUD OF U

GOOD JOB MY MAN

**Bokutoes**

OIKAWA

GOOD FUCKING JOB 

:D

TELL US EVERYTHINGGG

**Oikill me**

ok so

I left the house

**Sugamama**

Great start, honey

**Oikill me**

thanks mom :D

Anyway, I left the house and Iwa-chan was waiting outside

So we walked to this cafe place

and he also bought me milk bread :D

so we ordered our food and we talked n shit

and then afterwards we went to this park

and he started acting all weird and i was like oH shIt iS hE unComfoRtaBle with me????

but then he confessed and we leaned closer and-

_oops, you've used all your energy for today. please pay $69 dollars to unlock the next scene_

**yakuwu**

no, fuck you

_**yakuwu** added **Iwaizumi Hajime** to _ _ **every passing second is time wasted on  
wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

**_yakuwu_ ** _changed **Iwaizumi Hajime** 's nickname to **iwa-fan**_

**iwa-fan**

This nickname is trash

**yakuwu**

you're trash

**Oikill me**

you're _my_ trash ;)

**iwa-fan**

no

**Sugamama**

So what happened after??

**iwa-fan**

oh

we kissed

and then i walked tooru home

the end

**Dadchi**

omg

yall

domestic asf

**Sugamama**

DSJLKD

and thus,,oikawa's gay crisis has ended

and a new one will begin

**yakuwu**

HI SO

I KIND OF ACCIDENTALLY SMACKED LEV'S ASS

ON INSTINCT

AND I CANT LOOK HIM IN THE EYE ANYMORE

**iwa-fan**

ON INSTINCT????

**Oikill me**

wow

ok

have fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rlly wanted the iwaoi arc to be longer but iwaizumi is sane unfortunately
> 
> also i'll probably stick to chatfic form coz im not confident with my actual fanfic writing smh  
> LevYaku arc is next ig  
> For yall wondering  
> KuroKen and BokuAka will be last,,,because they asked first like it comes full circle :)


	12. bowling alley drama time :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **saltybu**
> 
> no, fuck human interaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder that i mostly try to keep this fic in chatfic form bc im not confident in my actual writing skills but sometimes i can't express stuff through chatfic so :')
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: THERE'S HOMOPHOBIA AND MILD SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN THIS CHAPTER. READ BELOW IF YOU WANT TO SKIP THOSE SCENES
> 
> Sexual Harassment  
> (Start: Oikawa, do you want any snacks?  
> End: Hello, I believe this isn't your boyfriend.)
> 
> Homophobia  
> (Start: Akaashi smiled while he watched the three)  
> End: Akaashi, what are you looking at?)

_ **every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang** _

**_december - 3 months until graduation_ **

**_._ **

_4:00pm_

**Dadchi**

HOW DO YOU SMACK SOMEONE'S ASS ON INSTINCT??

**yakuwu**

SEE I-

I HIT HIM ALL THE TIME

SO LIKE ITS NORMAL

**Sugamama**

YOU HIT YOUR CRUSH ALL THE TIME??

**iwa-fan**

I did that too

And look where I am now

**yahaha no**

oh yeah

only after making ur crush cry ofc

**iwa-fan**

Shut up :)

**Oikill me**

:,)

**Semight just die**

i wish you the best of luck yaku

**yakuwu**

fuck you semi

**Semight just die**

wow so much for being nice

**Kuroh no**

hi ive arrived just in time for yaku's gay disaster

**Bokutoes**

every passing second is time wasted vol 1: semishira's gay denial

every passing second is time wasted vol 2: iwaoi's gay panic

every passing second is time wasted vol 3: yakulev's gay disaster

i would buy every book ngl

**Kuroh no**

same

**yahaha no**

yaku,

my man

its simple

don't smack people's asses

**yakuwu**

I CANT HELP IT

MY BODY MOVES BY ITSELF

**yahaha no**

THEN TELL UR BODY TO ASK LEV OUT

**Kuroh no**

its been months and im still surprised u like lev

**yakuwu**

well yeah he's cute

**Kuroh no**

god

no

shut up

**Sugamama**

Guys!

Let's go bowling! :D

**Dadchi**

What why

**Sugamama**

For fun wtf Daichi

**Dadchi**

Imagine having fun

Can't relate

**yakuwu**

oh yeah sounds like fun

**Sugamama**

Let's invite all of headache™ including Lev

**yakuwu**

oh

uh

sounds like shit i don't think i wanna come

**yahaha no**

haha weak

**yakuwu**

you like a dog,,you can't talk

**yahaha no**

you like a pole,, you can't talk

**Oikill me**

you both don't have boyfriends,,you can't talk

**yahaha no**

shut the fuck up oikawa :)

**Oikill me**

:(

**Sugamama**

I don't really care what you all say you're all coming

**Kuroh no**

im just gonna stick with my bae all day

**saltybu**

kenma??

**Kuroh no**

;0

ew no

bokuto, my man

**Bokutoes**

ily babe

**Kuroh no**

;)

**saltybu**

no wonder they hate you

**Kuroh no**

THEY WHAT

* * *

_**headache™** _

_**.** _

_4:30pm_

**Sugamama**

We're going bowling and idc what you say :D

**Reifu**

Okay! :D

Can I invite Hinata and Kageyama?

**Sugamama**

Aw you're so cute

Ofc

**Dadchi**

December, 28th, The day I was replaced :')

**Sugamama**

I replaced you on December 20th, actually

**Dadchi**

What how

**Sugamama**

Hinata was eating his pork bun and it looked adorable

**Dadchi**

Wow, nice to know I've been replaced ages ago

**Sugamama**

It's okay I still love you

**Dadchi**

Fuck you Suga <3

**Sugamama**

Fuck you too <33

**sat-on-me**

wow bowling?

never been

**Ushiwack me**

same

**Kozoom**

Bowling?

I'll probably stay in the arcade

**saltybu**

I'll just follow semi

**Semight just die**

nO

You have to be

uh

soCiAL

**saltybu**

no, fuck human interaction

**Semight just die**

alr then

**Oikill me**

can't wait :D

**Sugamama**

Meet up at xxxx xxxx at 12:30 tomorrow :D

**yakuwu**

whatever

* * *

"Hey, Semi, over here!"

Suga waved to get the setter's attention. Semi smiled in return, guiding ~~Saltybu~~ Shirabu towards Suga. Shirabu barely looked awake despite it being 12:30. His boyfriend goes on to chat with Suga and Daichi.

Soon after, Ushijima and Tendou joined them, Tendou complaining about how Semi didn't wake him up. The latter responds by kicking him in the shin, resulting in the two's signature loud bickering.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi arrive next, hand in hand. Iwaizumi looked half dead inside and outside, but who could blame him? Oikawa and Ushijima immediately start arguing about Shiratorizawa and all Iwaizumi could do was roll his eyes at the stupidity. 

One by one, everyone joined them until there was a mass gathering outside the bowling place. Oikawa watched a little girl stare at him in curiosity as his boyfriend pecks him on the cheek. Kenma had arrived on Kuroo's back, still sleeping while Bokuto chatted loudly next to them. Akaashi had his normal poker-face, nothing out of the norm. 

Yaku tried not to look at Lev who was laughing alongside Hinata and Kageyama. Yahaba suggested that Yaku tie his hands together.

Yahaba ended up with a bruise on his hip

.

The group ended up splitting in two groups- the ones that wanted to go bowling and the ones who wanted to go to the arcade.

Kenma, of course wanted to go to the arcade and forced Kuroo to come with him. Bokuto and Akaashi went as well because, well, their best friends were going too. Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Semi and Shirabu invested themselves in the Virtual Reality machines in the far corner.

Hinata and Lev, who had never touched a bowling ball, were jumping with excitement as Suga taught them how to hold it.  
(A/N: Ha, teaching a baby crow and a baby cat how to hold balls-I'm sorry.)

Yaku groaned, burying his face deeper in Yahaba's shoulder who patted it out of pity. Kyoutani was forced to come with them, but he eyed Yaku suspiciously.

Eventually, the bowling game commenced. In summary: Hinata slipped on the ground and landed face first into the bowling alley. He got a mouthful from Kageyama.

.

"Oikawa, do you want any snacks?" Iwaizumi asked as Oikawa stepped out of the VR machine.

"Hm, yeah, maybe after the others are done with their bowling game, we can eat at the cafe here. Could you go check on them?"

Iwaizumi nodded, sprinting over to where Suga's group was.

"You know, if you're hungry you can be my snack~" 

Oikawa tensed up a bit at the breath on his neck, but chose to ignore it instead. He scanned the arcade for where Semi and Shirabu might be, or maybe even Kuroo and Bokuto. But nobody was in sight.

"Not responding, huh?"

The stranger behind him gripped him firmly on his shoulder, spinning him around. If he wasn't a stranger, Oikawa would have potentially dated him. He was good looking enough, with a single piercing on his right ear and ash blonde hair.

But he wasn't Iwaizumi.

"Fuck off," Oikawa snarled, attempting to squirm out of his grasp.

"Feisty, I see. Just my type." The stranger smiles, leaning in. Oikawa closes his eyes in fear, maybe if he just endures it, it'll be over soon. His grip was so strong that it was physically starting to hurt his shoulder. Oikawa prayed that someone would help, but one quick glance to the side confirmed that Iwaizumi wasn't back yet. The setter braced himself as the stranger got closer and closer, his arm moving to trace shapes on Oikawa's back and eventually down to his-

"Hello, I believe this isn't your boyfriend."

Ushijima smiled, but it was dripping with venom. Tendou, Semi and Shirabu showed up behind him.

"And you are..?" 

"I'm his boyfriend, nice to fucking meet you. I'd appreciate it if you get your hands off him." Ushijima grabbed Oikawa's arm, ripping him out of the grasp he was previously in. The stranger just scoffed, turning on his heel and walking away.

"Are you alright, Oiks?" Semi asked quickly, rushing over to check if he had any physical injuries. He tapped Oikawa's shoulder lightly (where the stranger had gripped him) and when Oikawa didn't react in any way, confirming that he was okay, Semi pulled him into a tight hug.

"Are you crazy? Call for help next time, don't be an idiot."

"Sorry," Oikawa flashed a weak smile. Ushijima chuckled.

"If you went to Shiratorizawa, you wouldn't have almost been sexually harassed."

Tendou whacked him as Oikawa laughed.

When Iwaizumi returned, Shirabu filled him in on everything that happened. Iwaizumi cracked his knuckles when given the description of the stranger.

.

"Kuroo, let's play this next!"

Akaashi had never seen Kenma so excited before. Usually he was stone-faced and looked bored with everything, but right now, he was jumping up and down, dragging Kuroo all over the arcade.

Bokuto and Kuroo joke about all sorts while being dragged around. Honestly, Akaashi was a bit hurt that Bokuto never really paid that much attention to him, and was almost 100% convinced that Bokuto liked Kuroo. Even so, Akaashi was happy for him.

Kenma and Kuroo played one of those sketchy prize winning games, this one being a classic shooter. If you shoot a certain amount, you get a certain prize.

Bokuto laughed at Kuroo's poor attempts at getting anything while Kenma completely wiped out his high score.

Akaashi smiled while he watched the three, until his ear picked up something in the background.

"Do you think they're gay?"

"No, they look like friends to me."

Akaashi turned around briefly to see who was talking. He eventually deciphered that it was from a group of girls observing them from behind an arcade machine. He also recognised a young girl with among them, the same girl who eyed Oikawa curiously when Iwaizumi kissed him.

A cheer came from the front which made Akaashi turn around again. Kenma had won the top prize, a large neko plushie. Sheepishly, he gave it to Kuroo who hugged him tightly, kissing the top of his head.

"No they're definitely gay. How disgusting."

"I would've totally dated the tall, black haired dude. Total bummer that he's gay." The tallest girl said, scrunching up her face.

"What's gay?" The youngest girl asked. The two older girls looked at eachother.

"If you're gay, you're disgusting. Being gay is when a boy likes a boy or when a girl likes a girl."

The younger girl still looked confused, but scrunched up her face in disgust when she saw the girls around her do it.

"Akaashi, what are you looking at?" Bokuto asked, eyes following Akaashi's eye of view.

"It's nothing."

.

"And the hinata boke fell face first onto the bowling alley. Do you know how dangerous that is?!" Kageyama yelled for the umpteenth time today. Hinata sighed in regret.

"So, how did your experience go?"

"Nothing much, Tooru just almost got sexually harassed."

"You _what?!_ And you didn't tell us?" Suga frantically scanned Oikawa's body to check for physical injuries just as Semi did. Must be a team mom instinct.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Ushiwaka stopped him." Oikawa said as he smiled at Ushijima. "Thanks, toshi-chan."

"It's fine."

Daichi stole some of Suga's chips. "And Akaashi? How did your group go?"

"Kenma won me a huge neko plushie!" Kuroo said loudly, grabbing the neko from the plastic bag. "Everything went fine, I think."

"Not really.." Akaashi mumbled under his breath.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there were these group of girls who were being homophobic, but it's fine I guess..."

Akaashi feels Bokuto tense up beside him.

.

"Yaku-senpai!"

Lev sprints up to Yaku, who was preparing to walk home.

"Can I help you?" The shorter tries not to make eye contact.

"Uh-I" Lev fiddled with his fingers as he talked. "Why have you been ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?"

Yaku freezes.

"No, of course not. Go home, It's getting late."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i’ll stick to chatfic form  
> this chapter:
> 
> i was going to update yesterday but i completely forgot  
> gomenasai


	13. you're a gay crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **wHAT the hELl aRE yOu doIng wiTh yOur arMS???**
> 
> Wow!! Good job Yamamoto-san!
> 
> You're a gay crisis!
> 
> **Yamamotomoto likes you**
> 
> i'm a what-
> 
> **Nobuyuki Kai**
> 
> I'm confused?
> 
> **wHAT the hELl aRE yOu doIng wiTh yOur arMS???**
> 
> It's alright Kai-san! You're kinky!

_ **first years do be riding high** _

**.**

_10:20am, 29th December_

**Levoma**

Am I a bad person?  
  
  


**Shrimp**

huh

ofc not

why do u ask??

**Levoma**

Yaku-san is avoiding me..

I don't know what I did wrong!!!

**Shrimp**

whaaat

im sure you can just ask him

**Levoma**

He didn't respond with a clear answer!!!

**Milk**

Ask Suga-san, he always knows what to do

**Levoma**

GOOD IDEA!!!  
  


**Milk**

**@Tsukki-she-ma** Your dinosaur thing arrived

**Tsukki-she-ma**

Give it to me at school

**Milk**

Wow, like I wasn't going to do that at the first place what are the odds?  
  
  


**Yams is Gucci**

dinosaur thing...?

* * *

**Sugawara Koushi**

**.**

_10:25am_

**You**

SUGA-SAN!!!!  
  


**Sugawara Koushi**

Hello? Who's this?

**You**

IT'S ME, LEV!!!  
  


**Sugawara Koushi**

Oh

Hello :D

Can I help you with something??

**You**

Uh

Is Yaku-san mad at me?

**Sugawara Koushi**

What?

Why would he be mad at you?

**You**

He's been avoiding me lately and he doesn't look me in the eye anymore...

**Sugawara Koushi**

Ohhh

Is this about the time he slapped your ass?

**You**

Wha?

Isn't that normal?

**Sugawara Koushi**

WH-

WHAT PART OF THAT IS NORMAL

LEV

THAT IS NOT NORMAL PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT IS NORMAL

IF SOMEONE SLAPS YOUR ASS CALL THE POLICE OR SMTH OR CALL ONE OF THE THIRD YEARS

**You**

So, Yaku-san slapped my butt so I call a third year which is Yaku-san?

**Sugawara Koushi**

No-

If a random stranger slaps your ass that's not okay.

**You**

Oh

I see

Thanks Suga-san! You're kinky!

**Sugawara Koushi**

What did Bokuto do...

Conclusion is that Yaku doesn't hate you

He's going through...

A gay crisis.

_Huh, I wonder why this gay crisis thing is so f a m i l i a r_

**You**

Gay crisis...?

What does that mean

**Sugawara Koushi**

Uh

Ah

It means idiot..?

THE NICER WAY OF SAYING IDIOT

**You**

Oh

Thanks Suga-san!

Are you sure Yaku-san doesn't hate me

**Sugawara Koushi**

100% sure

But try to talk to him soon I'm dying

**You**

You may have grey hair but you're not that old, Suga-san.

**Sugawara Koushi**

I-

Thanks Lev

**You**

No problem :D

* * *

**_ every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang _ **

.

_10:32am_

**Sugamama**

God please help Lev

**Bokutoes**

what happened

**Sugamama**

He called Yams kinky, and then he called me kinky

Who's going to tell him the real meaning

**Bokutoes**

my damage has been done :)

**Sugamama**

You started it, you fix it.

**Bokutoes**

what no

**Sugamama**

Say that again? :)

**Bokutoes**

IM SORRY ILL DO IT-

**Kuroh no**

what did he do this time

oh god

**iwa-fan**

This gc

Pain

**yakuwu**

if you can deal with oikawa you can deal with this gc

**iwa-fan**

fair

**Sugamama**

He kept asking whether he did something wrong to piss you off Yaku

And he asked the first years if he was a bad person in the first year gc

Yaku do something god

**Yakuwu**

can't

dying

**Sugamama**

I told Lev the same thing and he was like "You may have grey hair but you're not that old, Suga-san."

**Dadchi**

Aight who's ass do I need to kick

Oh

Wait its Lev being Lev

Nevermind

**Sugamama**

I was touched for 0.2 seconds before you fucked up :)

**Dadchi**

Love you too

**Kuroh no**

i'm-

**Semight just die**

wow

I sexually identify as a Lev. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of dying over my boyfriend, dropping my shit on his face. People say to me that being so uncoordinated is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm actually more uncoordinated than you think. I'm having a gay crisis over this short ass human being who slapped my ass, even thinking that it was normal. From now on I want you guys to call me "kinky" and respect my right to die and die needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a gay crisis magnet and need to check your ass. Thank you for being so understanding.

**Yakuwu**

wha-

how did you write it so fast

**Semight just die**

i didn't

**Yakuwu**

what-

where's ur bfs anyway

**iwa-fan**

sleeping

**Semigh just die**

sleeping

**yahaha no**

ha sleep is for the weak

**iwa-fan**

You said you were going to sleep at 5pm because "Satan is waiting for you"

**yahaha no**

UM OK SO LEMME EXPLAIN-

**Kuroh**

lMAO WHAT-

**yahaha no**

I HAD A DREAM

**Yakuwu**

NO ONE FUCKING CARES YAHABA

GO TO YOUR BB SATAN I DONT GIVE A SHIT

**yahaha no**

wOAH ok calm down

**iwa-fan**

I didn't know Kyoutani was Satan

**Sugamama**

Yaku

Lev

Help

**Yakuwu**

ill get to it stop rushing me

* * *

_**Don't you hate it when a chinchilla eats the universe** _

.

_10:56am_

**Yamamotomoto likes you**

SO

I HAD TO GO _BACK_ TO GET THE YAKISOBA BREAD

BUT THEN WHEN I FINALLY GOT IT AFTER THE LONG GODDAMN LINE

I FUCKING DROPPED IT

I DROPPED IT

AND I COULDN'T GET ANOTHER ONE BECAUSE THEY SOLD OUT

fml

**wHAT the hELl aRE yOu doIng wiTh yOur arMS???**

Wow!! Good job Yamamoto-san!

You're a gay crisis!

**Yamamotomoto likes you**

i'm a what-

**Nobuyuki Kai**

I'm confused?

**wHAT the hELl aRE yOu doIng wiTh yOur arMS???**

It's alright Kai-san! You're kinky!

**your neighbourhood drug dealer**

HAHAHAHA

BOKUTO DID THE DAMAGE OH GOD

**your neighbourhood gamer**

What are you talking about Kuroo?

**your neighbourhood drug dealer**

it's fine kenma go back to acnh

**your neighbourhood gamer**

Speaking of ac

What was that message you sent me?

**your neighbourhood drug dealer**

UMMMM

* * *

**Kinky**

**.**

_11:00am_

**You**

yo

lev

yknow when i told you kinky meant nice?

i lied

i didn't know u actually would believe me

**Kinky**

Ohhh

So is that why the cafe ladies gave me weird stares when I called them Kinky?

**You**

LMAO YOU CALLED THEM KINKY OH NO

**Kinky**

Oh yeah!!

Suga told me a new word!

Gay Crisis means Idiot in a nicer way!!!

So cool!

**You**

oH MY GOD LMAO

* * *

**_ every passing second is time wasted on wishing you were with them instead of actually trying gang _ **

**.**

_11:01am_

**Bokutoes**

**@Sugamama** YOU STARTED IT, YOU FIX IT

**Sugamama**

Oh god what did he do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a haikyuu simping server!  
> Come join it [here](https://discord.gg/DyVnCDH)
> 
> hello~! I'm back from my hiatus!  
> soooo  
> what was the message kuroo sent kenma ;))
> 
> I HATE MAKING END NOTES LONG BUT I WON'T BE POSTING EVERY DAY LIKE I USED TO BECAUSE SCHOOL HAS STARTED AGAIN :') sorry about that  
> I started looking through who Bookmarked this bc i was like nani why do so many people like this shit AND SOME PEOPLE PUT NOTES WITH IT @HOOTERS IF YOU'RE READING THIS I LOVE UR NOTE LMAO
> 
> OKAY SO LIKE  
> PEOPLE ARE MAKING THESE SAD VIDEOS ABOUT HQ ENDING PLS STOP I'VE CRIED ENOUGH ;;;;  
> ALSO HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY OIKS ILY


End file.
